10 Things You Will Hate About Me

24 Apr I had had about 500 glasses of wine in this picture taken by Catherine Rodie. Please refer to point 8.

I had had about 500 glasses of wine in this picture taken by Catherine Rodie. Please refer to point 8.

The joy of the inter webs is you can fully brand yourself any way you please and paint a fantabulous picture of an overachieving domestic goddess who never puts a foot wrong style wise, be it in home or attire, food wise, or parenting wise.

A perfect wife, an awesome friend, and frankly, your farts don’t even smell because computers haven’t advanced to Smellivision yet.

Let me tell you, I am a little bit like what you see, but mostly I’m like a revolting teenage boy.

I am so gross sometimes my habits even disgust myself.

I’m not always a good friend, and I’m often a distracted, cranky and terrible wife and mother.

I have loads of great clothes but tend to wear the same 5 things because I mostly live in suburban parks and supermarkets and I often accessorise with snot and cooties… or I’m in smelly gym gear as I’m endeavouring to work out the suburban angst in the spin room.

I do eat well for the most part, as I represent, but really I just take pictures of the good shit and figure if there’s no photographic evidence of the fish fingers and cheesy beans on toast then my culinary skills will never come into question. I actually enjoy eating down sometimes, there’s great comfort to be found in ghetto nosh.

I’m going to come clean today with 10 things (in no particular order) you previously did not know about me that will probably make you think I’m a little bit gross, tacky or an arsehole.

1. I’m bossy as all fuck

I’m ok with the word bossy, because I am bossy. I’ve always been bossy, and I’ve always been called bossy. Haven’t needed therapy for that particular chestnut thus far.

2. I bite the skin around my fingernails

I don’t even realise I’m doing most of the time, but other times it’s a very conscious thing. No finger is spared, however I pay particular attention to my right index finger which generally has no finger print, which would be awesome if I could rob a bank with a single digit.

3. I like getting my own way and am prone to sulking when I don’t.

What an arsehole, right? I can’t help it if my ideas are the better ones.

4. I offend people all the time.

Obviously I don’t mean to, but my big mouth has a tiny filter and words can fall out around the edges of it. Also, I’m big on thinking after I speak.
Maybe I’ll think before I speak when I’m a grown up. Something to look forward to.

5. I peed in public pools until only a couple of years ago.

Told you you’d hate me.

6. I have been known to park in a child friendly parking space when I don’t have the children with me.

Only did it twice, but I can’t guarantee I’d never do it again.

7. I like passing wind in the car with the kids in the back.

I owe them, man. It’s only fair.

8. After only one drink I swear like a drunken Irish sailor.

Seriously, more than every second word.

9. I’m anal about washing up the kitchen immediately after eating.

I hate waking up to a dirty kitchen.

10. I smacked both of my children yesterday evening.

They fought all day and I lost my cool.
I hate that about me too.

 

To be honest, I could probably rattle off another 10 without really having to think but I’d hate to give all of my foulness away in one post.

 

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Portrait 365 : 111-115

22 Apr Vivian

Dexter

Dexter

“The flying elephant is my favourite”

Arabinda

Arabinda

“I’m making lunch for 100 friends and family. I’m looking forward to the lunch, but I’m really looking forward to the music and the dancing.”
On an early morning run I spied a garage set up with portable stoves and many large metal pots bubbling and steaming away, whilst Arabinda sat on an upturned bucket peeling a million potatoes in his dressing gown. I couldn’t resist squatting down and chatting about his garage kitchen antics.

Kiki

Kiki

The hair, the glasses, the tutu that you can’t see. I fell in love with Kiki a little bit when I saw her. If you want to fall in love with her a little bit you can find out where to see her here. I saw her at La Petit Grande, the Spiegelesque tent. 

Amy

Amy

“I’m scared of the dark. It started when I was a kid and I thought about ghosts in the dark and it never went away.”

Vivian

Vivian

“I love chocolate. Not just at Easter, all the time. Hazelnut milk chocolate. That’s the one.”

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Never forget the true meaning of Easter….. The Easter Show.

20 Apr the show

The idea of the Royal Easter Show sends shivers down my spine. Not those exciting anticipatory shivers, but more like the shivers you get just before you pass diarrhoea.

I get that The Show is kinda fun, but it’s just such a ball ache.

It’s the mission to get there, the throngs of bogans, the gaggles upon swarms of other people’s children, the Dagwood Dogs from oily smelling vans, the penned animals in humid tents, exorbitant parking, the waiting – oh, the waiting in lines – and the million dollars you spend in order to have this horrible day out.

I reckon it would be fairly safe to call me the Easter Grinch….. that was until this year. I was pumped.

I admit that I only braved the baby sister lame-o excursion to the Easter Family Show at Fox Studios, but it had everything I described just in smaller, more palatable doses.

In fact, The Grinch had herself bags of fun…. but man, that four hours felt like a 48 hour dance-a-thon. My feet were sore, my back ached, I was covered in a mild layer of dirt, and I had tomato sauce smeared all over me making me look like I’d been to battle.

The kids had a great day though but it’s hard to tell, check out D Man’s head when he’s finally got hold of the first hotdog of his life.

A horse walks into a bar, or what????

the arrival the show

 

the rides the show

the show

kiks and clowns the showDSC_0022

the lego, the showthe lego the showthe junk food the showjosh and ducks the showthe animals the showthe birds the showthe mice, the showthe love the show

the show bag, the showthe end the show

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Portrait 365 : 106 – 110

17 Apr Thomas

I have met some amazing people in the past 5 days. From new jobs to adventures at sea. There was a few knock backs, and I totally get it if you don’t feel like being photographed by a random woman with two children dangling off her. It is a little odd.

110 days in it’s not getting easier to shoot people, and I’ve realised it’s totally dependent on my head space. It’s like cold calling or something.

I see hundreds of people every day, but I also don’t shoot just anyone. It’s a pull. I suddenly see someone and think ‘YOU’…. Unless I’ve been shit with my commitment, and then I’m like a desperado at the end of the night trying to hook snog, gazing madly around the general public trying to manufacture the ‘YOU’ moment.

None of these fit that bill though. These are primo subjects, especially my birthday boy with his cheeky smile.

Dexter

Dexter

“STOP SINGING!”
Loves to sing Happy Birthday to others, not fond of receiving it appears.

Thomas

Thomas

“I’m in Sydney for 8 hours only. I’m here from Perth to visit my girlfriend in Newcastle but she’s working all day.”

Adam

Adam

“Every tequila idea is a good idea.”
Adam is my new boss at the production company. With pearls of wisdom such as these I think we’ll get along just fine.

Nataya

Nataya

Nataya was so cool. She and her friends are here from Thailand for four months and they just wanted to take picture of my kids….. so I turned the camera on them. I couldn’t find out anything else because we had a mega language barrier. Obviously, style knows no barriers.

Ingrid and Phil

Ingrid and Phil

“The amazing thing is sitting and eating a meal uninterrupted.”
I loved these guys. They saw me get on the ferry with the double pram and two kids and they practically high fived each other because they’re on a kid free weekend in the city. With a 7 year old autistic son and a two year old daughter, I reckon a 3 day cheeky weekend together is a special type of bliss.

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Strange BBQ beasts, and Moroccan Chicken Pie

15 Apr chicken bastilla

chicken bastilla ingredients***This is a sponsored post courtesy of Steggles and Digital Parents Collective. All ideas are my own and recipe is mine, all mine***

I ate some amazing food in Morocco. Mounds of marinated olives, breads that defy definition and lots and lots of cous cous. In fact, it was where the term ‘Cous Cous Pants’ was coined but we need not go into that here.

They also have roadside BBQs called meshwe but I’m sad to say I never sampled the food…. want to know why?

It’s a tad shameful to be honest.

Our bus would pull up next to a roadside meshwe, nestled on the side of a mountain surrounded by lush greenery, manned by a swarthy, sweaty man toiling over hot coals with rivulets of perspiration running down his face and often no hairs left upon his forearms, but the thought of burning hair or man sweat seasoning my BBQ’d meat was not the problem.

The problem was that I dug in my heels in agriculture class at high school.

chicken bastillaWTF, Where is this going? I hear you cry……

You see, although I was never a vegetarian and I was happy as a pig in proverbial to dissect as frog, I was not so keen on agriculture class or as it’s affectionately referred to – Ag.

Rhymes with gag.

I got myself excused on the day they branded pigs, and I think I bunked the day they docked sheep tails, and then I promptly forgot that sheep have tails.

Cut back to Morocco – there I was standing in front of what was probably the best lamb BBQ I was ever going to nosh in my life, but I was certain that poor, flayed, long-tailed creature was a dog.

I couldn’t do it. As mouth-watering as the aroma that tickled my nostrils may well have been I walked away; I ate some fruit, bread and olives and got back on the bus with a rumbling tummy thinking how delicious BBQ dog smelled.

Another thing I wished I’d tried was squab bastille, or pigeon as it’s more commonly known. I’d heard so much about the famed pie, but in all of my Moroccan adventure I never saw anyone eating anything other than tagine and cous cous.

I don’t often think to use chicken mince, but when Steggles offered to send me some of their über lean minced breast and thigh to try I knew I’d be able to pull something outta the bag.

It boasts being a lean source of protein and carries ye olde Heart Tick of approval and Coles is selling two 500g packs for a tenner (except WA for some reason. Sorry Perth), so it’s cheap as chips.chicken bastilla

Chicken Bastilla with Moroccan Carrot Salad.

Serves 4-6

What you will need :

For the pie - 

  • 1 kilo chicken mince
  • 2 small or one medium leek, white part only
  • 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped
  • 1 cup blanched almonds
  • 1/2 cup sultanas
  • 1/2 cup each of parsley and coriander
  • zest of 1 lemon
  • 1 tablespoon cumin
  • 1 tablespoon cinnamon
  • a good grind of fresh black pepper
  • salt and pepper
  • 2 eggs, lightly beaten
  • 1/2 cup of chicken stock
  • 11 sheets filo pastry
  • olive oil spray, or melted butter
  • icing sugar and cinnamon for sprinkling and dusting

For the salad - 

  • 2 medium carrots, peeled and sliced into rounds
  • 1/2 cup raisins
  • 2 spring onions, thinly sliced
  • 1/4 cup pinenuts
  • 2 tablespoons crystallised ginger, chopped
  • 2 lemons, juice and rind finely grated
  • 4 tablespoons olive oil
  • 1 tablespoon honey
  • a pinch of cinnamon
  • a handful of chopped coriander

What you will need to do :

Pop a little olive oil into a large frypan over a medium heat and fry off your garlic until it’s fragrant. Toss in your leek and give it a good sweat.

Next, add your chicken mince ensuring you have enough heat so as to cook it fast, cooking off the juice as you go and not stew it.

Ensure you keep stirring well until your chook is browned off. Chuck in your cumin and cinnamon, stir.

Next up add your almonds and sultanas, lemon zest and herbs giving it all shimmy.

chicken bastillaAdd your stock and then throw in your beaten eggs ensuring you stir it up like a Bob Marley song.

Preheat your oven to 200C.

Next, lightly spray or butter your pie dish. I use olive oil spray because I’m lazy and it’s easy. There, I said it.

Lay one piece of filo across ways in your dish, and then lay another the other way, forming a cross. Spray lightly with oil, dust with a little icing sugar and cinnamon (sounds weird, but trust me!).

chicken bastilla filo pastryRepeat until your have 5 layers (10 pieces – 2 pieces per layer, know what I mean?) and then pop your mince in.

Gently fold each bit piece by piece until you have just a couple of bits left then place your remaining sheet over the top sop it looks tidy. Fold up your last pieces and crinkle them around the edges and do a final spray and dust.

Toss her in the oven and leave her then until golden brown and crunchy, about 30-40 minutes depending on your oven.

For the salad, lightly steam the carrots until they are just al dente and toss together with the remaining ingredients.

 

 

chicken bastilla and moroccan carrot saladChicken mince is a cracker for fussy eaters because the flavour is fairly innocuous. It would work it’s butt off with my San Choy Bow recipe, or my Curried Mince.

If you need some more minced chook inspo, check out the Stegglers ideas.

Steggles are also offering a motza gift pact to one lucky reader of my choice. All you have to do is leave a comment on either Facebook or this post of what you would like me to make with chicken mince. I will make your request and send you on through a prize pack.

Not bad, eh?chicken bastilla

  • The motza Steggles gift pack includes:

o   2 Cooler bags

o   a couple of aprons

o   4 caps

o    a couple of Picnic Blankets

o   Footy and Frisbees

o   Recipe Cards

 

Cook Once, Feed All COVER_lr

Cook Once, Feed All is about making your life easier whilst preparing nutritious and quick food for your family. Hailed by Mouths of Mums as the ‘must have recipe book for all families’, this book is a collection of family friendly recipes, all accompanied by stories from my life.

To order your hardcopy of Cook Once, Feed All head to the Holsby Shop right now.

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Portrait 365 : 98 – 105

13 Apr Kayte and Beth

I’ve had a bumper week. Like, madly, stupidly bumper.

I’ve picked up some tv producing work and been working on writing commissions and giving talks about food at schools and to groups of women and, and, and, and, my feet have barely touched the ground.

I feel like I’m in a whirlwind, but it’s a sweet, warm whirlwind to I’m just going with it.

Last night (amidst much drunken revelry and fabbo frocks) I was announced as being in the Kidspot Top 30 Personal and Parenting bloggers and I really want to say a big thanks to everyone who voted for me. To see my name next to some bloggers I really admire is such an honour and a thrill and to be in the same room as many of my “colleagues” was a joy. I made some new friends fo’shizz, tequila will do that.

Without further ado, let’s see who I’ve shot this week…..

Spiderman Sean

Spiderman Sean

“I’m on my way to a kid’s party.”
“I figured.”
“This is not my regular Sunday outfit.”
“Lucky.”

Orsha

Orsha

D Man claims Orsha is his new best best friend. They met once, for ten minutes, and have never seen each other again. The finer details don’t matter don’t matter to him, I guess it’s a feeling.

Myesha

Myesha

Technically shot on the same day as her sister but those eyes….. those eyes.

Dexter

Dexter

“Is it my birthday again tomorrow?”
Valid question, buddy. Sadly, no.

Felicity

Felicity

“My heart is with the community. I want to give people a sense of belonging to something.”
Felicity and I are beginning to work together on a project called Overhaul Wellness. Wellness days to help you balance your body, mind and spirit. Stay tuned.

Pastor Bronwyn

Pastor Bronwyn

“I come from a family of traveling performers. When they put me into boarding school the nuns got cross because my grandmother had sent me with silky pajamas.”
I went to church this week for the first time in about 20 years. I wasn’t there for a service though, I went to talk food to group of lovely women.

Kayte and Beth

Kayte and Beth

Kayte : “Say what you want. It’s your blog.”
Beth : “I finally cracked it when I wrote a post about a fitted sheet.”
These chicks are kind of The Shit. This image was taken as pretty much the first thing I said to these ladies who you may know better as Woogsworld and BabyMac. Fast forward a few hours and Beth touched my boobs and we were the last ones to be thrown out of the pub. Firm friends now I would say.

 

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4

10 Apr Dexter

first lookMy big little man,

1459 days we’ve spent together but it’s been 1460 nights.

35, 040 hours have past since you were first laid upon my bare breast and you looked straight at me, straight in my eyes, and they said -

I KNOW YOU.

That first night with you beside my bed I couldn’t sleep a wink. I couldn’t believe you were here. I couldn’t believe you were mine.

So perfect, so sweet smelling. That didn’t last.

D Man and mama

Countless heartbeats have passed between us but your heartbeats are your own now. I used to feel every one, but you are getting more distant as you turn from a baby into a boy. In a few more blinks of my eyes you’ll be a man.

They always said it goes fast, and it does. Not the nights. The endless, drawn out nights where you cried, or were ill, and I held you, but they seem so far away now when all you want from me is maybe a quick cuddle or to take you for a pee before you roll over and snuggle your face into Rat and spoon that toy that is no longer bigger than you.

You’re so confident and smart. You chat to people, and you charm them with your funny wit or silliness, unless you drive them nuts with your whining. That happens too.

You surprise me and delight me endlessly and I really couldn’t be prouder of you.

D man almost oneToday you are four.

The first birthday that I won’t be with you all day.

I feel a healthy dose of mother’s guilt over that, but it’s also the first birthday that your Papa has spent the whole day with you. He’ll show you a grand old time and we’ll kick it large on the weekend with a chocolate cake bigger than your head.

When we were leaving the supermarket today I gave you and Kiki a biscuit. You were stoked, but your cranky pants sister didn’t want it and she hit it out of my hand and onto the ground.

Then she wanted it, naturally.

I refused to give her another, and nor would I pick the one up off the carpark floor, and she squawked and squawked. As we were driving off she suddenly went quiet. I figured she was inhaling a really huge breath in order to give it some more however when I turned she was eating half a biscuit.

D man about twoYou had split yours and passed it over in the backseat.

Now, don’t get me wrong, boy, you are a stinker when you want to be, and you torture that poor sister of yours, but in that moment I saw your true character, and you’re a good dude.

Happy birthday, D Man.

I love you to the shops and back,

Mama xxx

DSC_0289 D Man 4

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