Mad Cow and Gluten-Free Chocolate Biscuits

23 Apr gluten free, guilt free chocolate biscuit

I wasn’t planning on blogging these tasty little morsels but, after I bragged about them on Facebook on Saturday, I was asked for the recipe.

I was stuck in the house on a torrentially wet day. It was the kind of day you wonder if you should crack out the Paddle Pop sticks and start building an Ark, but my glue gun is AWOL and GluStick was never gonna cut that shit.

D Man had had a bad night with a fever and I thought an early morning dose of Panadol was a wise move.

Au contraire, mon petite chou fleurs.

His morning milk curdled and my Big Gay Salmon (official colour title) couch was the recipient of a candy-pink Linda Blair special. Of course, I felt for him, but I also felt for the BGS couch, oh, and my hair. Once it’s in your hair you’re smelling da vom-vom all damn day.

sick d manHe dozed on and off for hours, with his fever ebbing and flowing. He’d pop his head up for a few minutes, like a little blonde meer cat, then rest it back down as if it was too heavy for his neck.

It really breaks your heart when they’re poorly.

My head goes to all kinds of weird places thinking it’s some horrible exotic disease, rather than some 24 hr bug. Maybe the fever will give him brain damage or spark epilepsy, or, or, or any one of many other horrible fates…I’m a rather dramatic type.

As sad as it was to see my external heart ailing on the sofa, it was nice to have a few moments of peace.

Straight to hell, me.

I needed distraction. There was only one thing for it.

Biscuits.

Not for him. He was sick.

For me.

After a couple of abysmal false starts, I’m really enjoying experimenting with coconut flour.
It definitely has a slightly cakey consistency but I can work with that.

Coconut flour is very high fibre so needs more liquid, and you use much less of it than you would wheat four…..which is lucky because it ain’t the most economical of flours. It does last quite well, however, as you actually use about a quarter as much as normal flour. That said, you don’t cook with it like normal flour at all.

It will never make an awesome crusty sourdough (I discovered it kind of ferments in the process and goes somewhat boozy smelling and bubbly – could be my get  rich quick scheme? Boozy bread), but it can make for some interesting and healthy baked goods.

I’m learning that the fats in coconut oil and coconut flour can actually aid in weight loss. The medium chain triglycerides are digested differently than other fats. I won’t bang on about it, but if you’re interested, read about it. I’m not actually trying to lose weight, but many people would contest that coconuts are full of fat.

It’s good fat, that’s all.

These chocolate biscuits cheered me up no end. All thoughts of childhood disease were banished.  In fact, the reason there’s only one in the picture is because it’s the last one left… I needed to be sure I banished them bad thoughts good.

gluten free, guilt free chocolate biscuit

What you will need :

  • 1/4 cup butter or coconut oil
  • 1/3 cocoa powder
  • 3 eggs
  • 3 tablespoons sugar, plus 15 drops of stevia (if you’re not watching your sugar, use 1/3 cup sugar)
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon vanilla
  • 1/4 cup coconut flour, whisk it separately in a bowl to remove lumps first.
  • a few cheeky dark chocolate chips if you’re so inclined

What you need to do:

Preheat oven to 175C

In a saucepan melt butter over low heat. Add cocoa powder and stir to combine. Remove and leave to cool.

In a bowl, combine eggs, sugar, salt, and vanilla, and stir in your cocoa mixture. Whisk your coconut flour in ensuring there are no lumps.

Leave to rest for 5 minutes, it will thicken and puff slightly as the flour absorbs the liquid.

Add choc chips now if you’re going to.

Drop teaspoon sized dollops onto baking paper on a tray and whack in the oven for 14-15 minutes. Makes about 16-18 cookies.

Store in the fridge.

Easy, ready in 20, and yummy! The recipe was courtesy of the Bruce Fife, N.D. Cooking With Coconut Flour Book.

It turns out that we do have something a little bit exotic, if you like a little farmyard with your childhood illness.

Hand, foot and mouth disease.

Just the words make me think of Mad Cows going crazy and eating each other.
Apparently, it’s super common in kids, and highly contagious.

After my blues last week, I’d filled my week this week with great, fun, nurturing outings for us, but now we are sentenced to a week of quarantine.

That should lift my spirits.

Better make some more biscuits….. think this calls for some real ones, no?

Are you a comfort eater?

Eat to live or live to eat?

 

Hooking up with the fabbo Jess, for Ibot. Head to EssentiallyJess for some more blog love.

Tags: , , , , , , ,

You’re not Wonder Woman, and that’s ok.

19 Apr

Wonder Woman bakes bread too

I had a little meltdown this week. It wasn’t really a private affair.

In fact, it was a little bit public.

Not public like pulled-my-undies-up-over-my head-and-wailed-in-a-supermarket type public, but public enough that a few of my friends rallied and came to my aid as they could sense that my frantic waving may actually be me drowning.

Public enough that some of those friends saw my tears because I felt squashed by the enormity of this playing grown-ups malarky.

After chatting and crying and laughing and drinking lots of tea, I feel like I’m back on top, but I’m left with a residual embarrassment that my friends now may not see me as a croissant baking (yes, I will milk it) super homemaker, juggling children, writing and chainsaws, all without breaking a sweat.

Now the truth is out there.

I am not Wonder Woman.

I would totally have a crack at wearing her outfit, but I would be nothing more than a pouchy-bellied, hairy-legged, mortal wearing a costume.

Why does this shame me?

It makes me wonder about women in general, I mean, what is up with us chicks, and dudes?
Dudes aren’t immune to this overwhelming sensation of being swallowed, surely.

The exhausting newborn phase, the frustrating toddler phase, the mind-bending child rearing business/juggling act while you work, keep the house, tend the garden, have nutritious dinners on the table not just once, but 7 times a week, and keep your sanity in check, day in and day out, is a damned hard slog and no one escapes without feeling like it’s all too hard sometimes.

I must once more applaud the solidarity of the sisterhood (sorry, lads. It’s not an exclusive club per se).
I cried out and my girls were there by my side.

On one sunny morning, on my back deck, 4 of my girls and I drank tea and talked about where we’re all at and suddenly I realised that this shit of mine is not unique.

I am not a rare species, so unusual that no one can perceive my plight.

I am not alone.

My friends were saying their relationships aren’t perfect and their children aren’t perfect. Other people’s lives aren’t as amazing as they may seem on the outside. One friend said she used to hear her neighbour yelling at her kids and wonder how you could speak to your darlings like that…. and now she feel like she has become that lady.

I sometimes feel like that lady.

I am not Wonder Woman.

Do you ever feel like that lady?

Probably, because you are not Wonder Woman either.

I mentioned on my FB page that I felt like I was not coping very well last week, and my online community poured love onto my page. How awesome is that?
Some people I’ve physically met, but others don’t know me in person, but they were there with advice and love.

Some great words of wisdom came from that. I want to share a few, you know, in case you ever feel like going for a long walk off a short pier -

If you start to feel like it’s all too hard, call a friend, and go for a cup of tea.

Take a walk in the sun, or dance to some music that you love.

Honour your feelings. Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, but be kind to yourself.

Nurture yourself.

Slow down and breathe.

Have a date night.

My personal favourite was have a whiskey. Whiskey always helps.

I just really want to impress upon you, if you’re feeling blue, you’re not alone.

Tell someone you’re struggling because there is no shame in not being Wonder Woman, and sharing the struggle brings forth wonderful women…. and wonderful men.

Flogging and flashing with some great linky link ups,  With Some Grace,  Hi, Mama G, thanks for having me!

Tags: , , , ,

A Prehistoric Birthday and a Dinosaur Cake

16 Apr lighting candles on the dinosaur cake

I found out recently that children with above average intelligence are referred to as Gifted and Talented, or G&T.

I imagine you’d want to be pretty careful going around calling your kid G&T, though, as people may lick them inappropriately.

Awkward.

I’m not entirely sure what the criteria is to be classified as Gifted and Talented.
I think my kids are awesome but I don’t know if they are displaying evidence of superior intelligence.

Talent? Hells yeah. D Man recently busted out some Hammer Time and I damn near called Johnny Young…. except his reinvention flopped like Donald Trump’s coiff in the rain.

Gifted? A picture speaks a thousand words.

That's what gifted looks like, no?

That’s what gifted looks like, no?

I heard recently that children that show a deep interest in dinosaurs may possibly have superior intelligence. If that truly be the case, then my boy is a genius.

We’ve been all about primordial beings for ages.

Eons.

Not technically eons, as he’s only just turned three, but the train obsession turned into a dinosaur obsession about a year ago and it’s stuck like poo in a bear’s fur.

A day is not done until I have pierced my instep with a triceratops, or discovered a velocoraptor in my butt crack. Twelve months ago I didn’t know my sauropods from my theropods but I’ve had a crash course and I’m hoping someone may soon label me as gifted. Or at least a dino-nerd.

Or maybe they’ll stick with special.

When D Man’s third birthday loomed, it was obvious that it must be a Dinosaur Affair.

dinosaur costume

One of his favorite things in the whole wide word is a trip to see the dinosaurs at the museum, and we went on Monday to kick off his birthday week.

visiting dinosaurs at the museum

Po’face, anyone??? He’s having a great time, I swear.

We also had an archeological dig to mark the occasion. We chipped and hacked at the plaster block to reveal the Tyrannosaurus Rex bones.

archeological dig digging for dinos

You know I love a little cake challenge. You may remember my Hoot Cake from last year, so this year I knew it was all about dinosaur cake. I had never seen one, and the Women’s Weekly Birthday Cake bible didn’t have one so I was flying blind.

I was never going to try to get a gluten-free, sugar-free cake past the toddlers, so I decided I would make a big-ass lamington cake. I thought it would have less sugar because it doesn’t have icing. Does it?

Probably not.

I used 70% dark chocolate and thinned it with milk to make a ganache sort of chocolate coating rather than icing. Many lamington recipes use heaps of sugar in the chocolate icing, so I reckon we came out just on top.

But, you know, it’s a birthday cake after all.

The sponge turned out more dense than I expected, I would say it’s more like a butter cake, but it was yummy and there was only one little piece of dino left, so I reckon he was a RAWRRRRRRing success (except that momentary intake of breath when Mister H suggested it looked like an angry kangaroo.)

I based my cake recipe on this one from Eat, Little Bird, and I doubled it, but she used a KitchenAid, which I don’t have (are you reading this KitchenAid???), so I used ye olde worldy electric beater.

Such a peasant. dinosaur birthday cake

I made the method up, and winged the rest.

This is to make a birthday cake for 25 people.

What you will need :

For the cake -

  • 370g plain flour, sifted (I really did it this time)
  • 370g butter, room temperature
  • 6 eggs, room temperature (which should also weigh about 370g in shell, funnily enough)
  • 460g caster sugar (I know, I know!!)
  • 80g cornflour
  • 4 teaspoons baking powder
  • 4 teaspoons vanilla paste, or extract
  • 250ml milk

For the icing :

  • 150g 70% chocolate, broken into pieces
  • 150ml milk
  • 1 1/4 cups of dessicated coconut
  • green and red food colouring
  • a squeeze of cream cheese icing with cocoa for claws, I had some left over from cupcakes or you could cut liquorice.
  • a marshmallow for an eye
  • Tic Tacs for teeth

Preheat oven to 175C fan forced, or 180C if it’s not.

Line a deep flat cake tin or baking tray with baking paper. Mine is 3 x 9 x 2 inches.

Cream together your butter and sugar until creamy and pale. At least 5 minutes of good beating.

Add your eggs one at a time and continue beating on high for a further 5-7 minutes.  Add vanilla, and milk.

Turn beater onto medium and combine your flours and baking powder in a few batches. Try not to beat too much at this stage, but ensure it’s all combined.

Pop into your tray and stick in the oven for about 45-50 minutes, or until a skewer comes out clean. If the top browns too quickly you will need to cover it with foil.

Turn out to cool on a rack, bottom up, and then freeze overnight if you have the time. It will make the cutting part a lot easier. The flat bottom is now the top of your cake.

dinosaur cake ready to cut

Remove from freezer and divide in half through the middle. The best way to do this is run the knife around the entire edge, where you think the midpoint is, first. Then ensure that every cut around the knife is on your line.
Spread your raspberry jam on the bottom and sandwich together.

raspberry jam for lamington cakeUsing a small knife trace your shape on the top before making any bold moves. You can see how I shaped mine. When you’re happy with it, cut away!

I put foil on my serving tray and then a layer of baking paper on top as the decorating was MESSY! I removed baking paper before serving.

Rearrange shapes to suit and secure the tail with cut skewers. I did the spikes separately, as an afterthought because I had left over bits.

Screen Shot 2013-04-15 at 9.43.59 PM

Create a bain marie in a bowl over a saucepan and add your chocolate and milk and stir until melted. Leave to cool slightly. Meanwhile, put one cup of coconut into a bowl, add a few drops of green colouring and mix through with wet hands that you’ve shaken the excess water off. Do the same with the final quarter cup of coconut and the red colouring.

Take your chocolate sauce and gently spoon in on the top and push it over the edges. You will need to get your hands in there and smooth the chocolate sauce on every single little nook and cranny. It will drip on the baking paper. Spoon chocolate over your triangles and gently press the red coconut on all but the side you will stick to the cake.

chocolate on dinosaur lamington cake

Once satisfied you need to sprinkle your coconut over the entire cake. It’s tricky to get on the edges, so I pressed it and threw it!
I had left over chocolate icing from the cupcakes in the week to make the claws, but if I didn’t I would use a liquorice strap. Super easy.

Dab some Tic Tacs in your chocolate and stick them on, then cut your eye to your taste.

head close up for dinosaur cake

We had a little party, with a couple of friends. I organised all sorts of fun games, but didn’t play a single one because I was eating sausages and drinking wine.

I am officially shit at kid’s parties.

But I make up for it in cake.

Happy birthday, my darling little stinker. I love you more than life itself.

lighting candles on the dinosaur cake
birthday boy blowing the candle

Hooking up with Jess for some hot tuesday group action. Thanks for having us, as always, Miss J!

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Three

10 Apr

Three years ago, after 22 long hours, I held my son in my arms, and in that moment my entire life changed forever.

I have always wanted children and known they were in my future and I couldn’t wait to hold him, even before I was pregnant, my arms longed for him.

Even though I had this longing, I don’t know if I was fully prepared for what it actually means. I mean, you know about the serious lack of sleep heading your way, but nothing really prepares you for the endless months of sleep deprivation.
You realise that, unlike a horse or cow, a baby human is completely dependent on you for years, leaving you little space to be you anymore.
You become a new you. Most of the time it is fine, but sometimes I pine for the old me.
My spontaneity has gone. I have become kinda o.l.d.

Today was my big boy’s third birthday. I have such nostalgia today but it’s not for him. It’s for me. My life.

Maybe something has inherently happened at Terrible Twos has given way to Fucking Awful Threes, but the last few weeks I’ve felt like perhaps I’m not quite as equipped for this job as I first thought.

Yesterday I fantasised about going for a walk. On my own. And not stopping…… I imagined the whole scenario.

I’d drop the kids to the neighbours so they’d be safe until Mister H came home and by then I’d have just disappeared. I have always had a sense of the dramatic.
I used to think the missing persons people had met with foul play, but maybe some of them were just tired of picking up after everyone and being pierced with shrill syllables.

I don’t really want to disappear.

It was just a fantasy. Sometimes I fantasise I’m on The Voice too.

I just thought maybe out there on my walk I wouldn’t feel so torn in pieces. Trying to fulfil everyone’s whims is a fuller than full time job but my time card doesn’t get any extra hours.

There is a new tone in Mister Three’s repertoire that pierces my brain and I can’t reason with him. The Super Nanny would shake her head at me, but I really don’t know how to parent this new person in my house.

I love him with my whole, entire being, but he is grinding me down.

I also wasn’t prepared for what children would do to my relationship.

Three years ago my boyfriend became my baby daddy, and something changed in that. Now instead of nights dining and drinking, we play musical beds until the sun comes up and then he’s gone at dawn for the day and it’s me left. I miss my boyfriend. He’s become kinda o.l.d. too.

My friend’s husband said the problem with us girls is that we have too much time on our hands to think and internalise our feelings, and that perhaps in this time we focus too much on the negative stuff.

He makes a valid point. The hours and days of child rearing are so long, it’s easy for your thoughts to turn sour and begin picking at yourself like a crazy bird picks it’s feathers.

Maybe it is as simple as choosing happiness… and wearing earplugs so I can’t hear the whinging.

I am nostalgic, this evening. As my baby turns three.

On another note, I ate a lot of chocolate cupcakes today….. didn’t help the blues but shit they were yummy.

Tags: , , , ,

A treat amongst the boredom….Gluten-free Orange Cake with Sugar-free Chocolate Ganache

9 Apr

Gluten free orange cake with sugar free ganacheMy name is Danielle and I’m a food addict.

I rarely eat fast food, except sushi. I love good food, and I love healthy food, but it doesn’t make me less of an addict.

I’ve ascertained something in the last few weeks and that is that I’m addicted to sugar and wheat. There’s a very good reason why wheat and sugar are so addictive.

It’s because they’re yummy.

It’s because majority of the yummiest things contain one or both of them, so even when we think we’re not specifically eating sugar or wheat, you’ll probably find you are.

This makes cutting down, or giving up incredibly hard.

And boring.

So, so boring.

After two weeks of no sugar and no wheat I have drawn some conclusions.

  1. Coconut flour biscuits sweetened with banana puree should never be referred to as biscuits. I couldn’t give them to children who eat anything, and neither would adults eat them, even in the name of politeness.
  2. Stevia tastes like crap. A little in a coffee is passable, but in yoghurt, biscuits or anything edible it leaves a wacky tang on the back of your tongue that lingers like a fart in an elevator.

My girlfriend suggested I stop trying to substitute  and just get used to not having these treats in my life.

What kind of life is that?

Pass me a noose.

I’ve been like a mad scientist. I pretend I’m Heston Blumenthal on the trail of molecular gastronomy but my molecules are flour substitutes and my gastronomy is baking. Sure, there’s been some schtummers, but I have also made some delicious discoveries.

My sourdough recipe made with half gluten-free flour and half wholemeal spelt, rolled in sesame seeds before baking is a noble loaf. It could hold it’s doughy head high in Bourke Street Bakery and I bet the GF hipsters would be right into it.

Coconut flour is an awesome flavoured flour. Super low in carbs and high in protein and good fats. It’s exxy but you use only about a half as much of it. It is notoriously tricky to work with as it’s sucks moisture like a sponge. That said, I made a spicy salt and pepper crust out of it for fish, and coconut flour banana muffins?
Helllllo…..delish.
Slightly odd texture but I had my fussy 5 year old neighbour here and she scoffed two of those little puppies straight from the oven.

She usually makes Kerry Vincent, Ice Queen of Cakes, look like a pussy. She’s turned her nose up at more of my creations than she’s actually eaten. Not a word of a lie.

My piece de resistance, however, was not a new recipe. I’ve made this cake a million times, never once thinking how good it was for me. Now I know it’s practically a health food.
I would usually put a Grand Marnier cream cheese icing on it, but that would have needed too much stevia and we know how I feel about that, so I made a thick, lucious, chocolate ganache out of sugar free chocolate. Yep, diabetic chocolate.

Diabetic chocolate is sweetened with a product called maltitol and while it’s not as bad as the cancer producing aspartame, it’s probably not actually better for you than sugar.
I was just experimenting with it to see if the integrity of the ganache would be maintained with this product… and boom. Just like the real deal.

Bear in mind it was for my Easter table so I did use a little sugar in the cake but much less than usual. I didn’t eat the bunnies on top. They’re full freight chocolate.
Forgive the lack of photos but I wasn’t planning on blogging it but after I put this image on Facebook, my wall went nuts for the recipe……

gluten free orange cake with sugar free ganache

And what my peeps want, my peeps get.

What you will need :

For orange cake -

  • 4 oranges
  • 6 eggs
  • 100g sugar  plus 1/2 teaspoon of stevia (if you’re not watching your sugar intake, you can just use 200g sugar)
  • 250g almond meal
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder

For ganache -

  • 100g sugar free chocolate, broken up
  • 100ml cream

Boil your whole oranges in water for about 1 hour. Drain and cool. When they’re cool, chop off their ends and cut in half to disgard any visible pips.

Puree the fruit in a blender until it is a thick liquid.

Preheat oven to 18oC.

Beat your eggs and your sugar (and sweetener) until creamy, then add your orange puree, almond meal and baking powder.

Place into a greased and lined tin. Make sure it’s a big enough tin because it’s quite a large cake.

Pop into your oven for about an hour or until a skewer comes out clean.

Cool in the tin. Then transfer to a plate for serving.

Pop your cream on a moderate stove in a heavy based saucepan. Add your chocolate and stir until it is all melted. Leave to cool for 5-10 minutes before pouring on your cake.

I start with it in the middle and gently push it out to the edges so it can dribble down in a most enticing fashion.

Iboting with EssentiallyJess cos she’s da bomb….

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Silicone Girlfriends and Labiaplasty… All in a day’s work.

6 Apr

I started working in restaurants and bars in and around Sydney’s infamous Kings Cross area when I was about 17 1/2.
Being a curious sort of gal, I had pretty much seen everything there was to see by the time I was 19.

I’d been in sex shops, strip joints, and BDSM clubs, and I thought I was pretty much all over the sex game.
I didn’t have a particular interest in smut or bondage but I was super curious about people who did.

As I said, at the conclusion of my chat with Isiah from Passionate Spirit she offered me a media pass to Sexpo. I jumped at the chance. I thought it would be interesting blog fodder because I need more to write about than my kids and the washing. I used to be so much more interesting. I thought Sexpo might be a leg up, if you will, to an interesting post or two.

If you haven’t quite joined the dots, allow me. Sexpo is an expo, for sex.

That’s kinda interesting.

I wasn’t interested in seeing market stalls of sex toys, I mean, seen one double headed dildo, seen them all, right?

I was interested in seeing who would be there. I knew the Sydney Conference Centre was massive, so it couldn’t all just be vibrators….. and besides, I was told it was ladies night and there would be a free showbag in the deal.Pricasso

Isiah was keen to interview people, and thanks to her, I met some fascinating people and asked some questions that I would normally not have had the chance to, and I can safely say I saw things I’d never seen before.

One of the first things I saw, once my eyes had acclimatised to the flourescent lights, buzzing toys and silicone vaginas, was a man wearing nothing but a spray tan and a pink top hat painting portraits with his penis.

I have no idea at what stage in his life he decided finger painting was for chumps and decided to use his chub, but the question I was burning to ask was -

Doesn’t it get chaffed????

I hadn’t yet had a champers so I didn’t ask the question, but I did look him up, seeing as his url was tattooed on his back.

In case he forgets....

In case he forgets….

He’s travelled the world with his talented knob, painting portraits for Hugh Heffner and the Queen. Heff recieved his graciously at the Playboy Mansion, but somehow I don’t think Lizzie and Pricasso shared a cup of char at Buckingham Palace.

The answer to my question was yes. It does get chaffed, so his l’il fella needs lots of down time.

Continuing down the avenues of smut we came across a sandwich board selling Designa Vaginas for the bargain price of $5000, give or take a buck. I’m guessing Louis Vuitton was not designing these purses.

Pure poetry, and a bargain.

Pure poetry, and a bargain.

Labiaplasty is the third highest cosmetic procedure these days. CRaZy!!

I’ve never really thought in depth about my labia, but apparently there is a large proportion of women who are deeply unhappy with the appearance of their vagina, to the point of not being able to relax sexually. I discovered that the porn industry has a lot to answer in this area because that’s our gauge on ‘attractive’ lady bits. We don’t often see other vajayjays to compare our own to, so we think it’s supposed to look like they do in porn. Nice, tidy, even lips.
If porn shows a fleshy inner labia, they are actually bumped up to a higher classification, therefore they will often airbrush or use only girls with small labia or augmented bits.

Obviously, if you are experiencing chaffing, discomfort or some other physical problem it’s worth investigating but I doubt many guys with funny-old lopsided, wrinkly testicles think they need to go under the knife to be sexually attractive.

This surgeon also performs ‘G Spot Enhancement’ by injecting a filler (same as for your lips) to make the G-spot more pronounced, therefore picking up more friction whilst rubbing uglies. A quick and easy procedure that you can bang out in your lunch break, and still have time to fit in some sushi.
We argued that education would be a better route as the G-spot is still shrouded in mystery, with many people not knowing how to find it or drive it.
The surgeon tried to look surprised at this suggestion, but he’d had too much Botox done and just looked blank.

Then I met the beautiful, if quiet, Hirushi. Hirushi is a stunning Asian girl with long dark hair and pert bosoms. Unless you want her to bosoms to be otherwise.
Hirushi, along with her silicone sisters, is a life size doll.

Did you ever see the beautiful, quirky Ryan Gosling film Lars and the Real Girl? I loved that movie but that’s my only experience with a real, unreal girl until I got up close and personal with the stunning Hirushi.

Hirushi, Fantasy Doll

For the mere price of $7000 you can have a Fantasy Doll created to your exact specifications. What colour nipples and what size vagina would you like?

I wonder if they offer McSuper Sizing here?

I asked what kind of person would spend such an exorbitant amount (cheaper than a wedding, just quietly) of money on a doll?

All kinds of people apparently.

Perhaps after 30 years of marriage a man discovers a penchant for young hot women (he just discovered that???), and it’s less dangerous than an affair and cheaper than a divorce.

Wow.

One client had discovered he had three months left to live so he wanted to spend his final weeks with a gorgeous companion.
Hmmmmmm, gorgeous, yes. Companion? She’s a little on the reserved side.

I’ll admit that there may have been moments in my marriage that I wished my husband was mute, but I’m generally thankful for a pulse, and when he lets me stick my freezing cold winter feet on his legs in bed, he’ll warm them up. Fantasy Dolls are decidedly chilly. Particularly at a dinner party.

If you don’t wish to pay for a whole silicone girl, I also found you could buy just a part of one. No prizes for guessing which part. Upon investigation it actually did feel very life-like (enquiring minds need to know), but I imagine as far as companions go, it’s not much less awkward at a dinner party… still with the amount of prosthetic phallus’ out there, you can hardly blame the dudes for having an option that ain’t attached to their arms.

There was one more person I was actually awed by, Kim, the submissive. We talked about her relationship with her Master, and what she thought of 50 Shades of Grey. I don’t think I could fit everything I thought when I talked to Kim into this blog so I think she’ll get one of her own. Stay tuned for more tales of Sexpo….

Lucky I didn’t go to the Easter Show or I’d be writing about farm animals, hey?

Did you know about the porn industries views on lady bits? How interesting is that?

Would you go to Sexpo?

Tags: , , , , ,

Food Philosophy and Gluten-Free Gnocchi with Prawns

3 Apr gnocchi finished

gnocchi ingredientsThere’s been a little dietary shake-up at the Holsby Bar and Grill.

My Facebook friends would have seen that after a tumultuous year of illness, I’m trying a stint of no wheat and no sugar because there is some evidence that perhaps these things are not great for the human body.

Such blasphemy.

Many people have exulted at the news and kindly send me websites and recipes with substitutes and sweet treats that are actually great for you… if you like that kind of thing.

I’m sceptical about whipping up an avocado and pretending it’s chocolate mousse, and biscuits made from chick peas and mashed banana tasting like TimTams, but I’ve agreed to give this thing a whirl.

I could use this time to cleanse my body from carbs and treats, but that’s really not my style. Instead, I’m getting creative. I’m discovering ways that I can still make my treats using different products.

potato in the ricer for gnocchi

My philosophy has always been that cooking your family’s food from scratch is the way forward. I still believe that baking your family’s biscuits and slices is a million times better than buying packets of stuff.
I’m now experimenting with different flours, and natural sweeteners that are better for you than sugar. Coconut flour, sweetened with fruit puree – still not a TimTam, but you know, it’s pretty good.

Use what YOU want to use. Use my recipes as a guide.

I’m not turning ethno-bongo-paleo-tastic, I’m just trying something different for a few weeks to see if it does make a difference to my wellness, because I’m sick of my illness.

Do we as a society consume too much wheat?

Yes.

Are we as a society addicted to sugar?

Yes

If you are interested in finding more out about what the effects of these things have on your body, google it. This is not that blog so I’m not going to bang on about it.

I think the biggest thing to remember is variety. Some wheat is ok, but if you’re eating half a loaf of bread for breakfast, sandwiches or noodles for lunch, muffins for snacks and pasta for dinner, then you’re consuming too much.
Not pointing any fingers, certainly not at any triathletes I may or may not know.

I promise to blog the Easter gluten-free orange cake with sugar-free ganache that was such a hit on Facebook. I don’t want anyone to worry about my calorific intake.

Speaking of calories, I finally made gnocchi.

rolling and cutting gnocchi

I saw a Maggie Beer recipe that I wanted to try so I used that but replaced the wheat flour with gluten-free rice and corn flours. It worked fine and was supremely yummy… probably had something to do with the large amounts of butter in the buerre noisette sauce.

Oink.

My mum was here to eat it and she agreed that my gnocchi was a much greater success than hers, then she reiterated that until I cooked a goose I could not touch her crown.

Gauntlet was officially thrown.
If you see me with a cross-bow at Centennial Park, give me a wave.

Yield – 4 adults

What you will need :

  • 750g waxy potatoes, scrubbed. I used Dutch Cream but you can use Nicola.
  • 2 free range eggs, lightly beaten
  • 2 1/2 teaspoons salt
  • 125g plain flour (gluten free if you want to be cool like me)
  • 170g cold unsalted butter, chopped into small pieces
  • 1/3 verjuice
  • 40 sage leaves (about one bunch)
  • extra virgin olive oil, for cooking
  • 16 raw king prawns or yabbies
  • sea salt and cracked pepper

gnocchi finishedWhat you need to do - 

Steam unpeeled potatoes until cooked through (about 30mins) but not palling afart. Pop aside until cool enough to handle, then slide their skins off. Press hot potatoes through the potato ricer over a bowl, then add eggs and salt.
Spread flour into a rectangular shape on the counter and spread your potato mix over it. Quickly mix it using a cutting motion with a pastry scraper or flat edged knife. When it comes together to form a dough, give it a little squeezey love with your hands but resist the urge to knead.

Divide into quarters and rolls into a sausage about 2.5cm wide. Cut off 1.5cm chunks and gently press with a fork to leave an indentation that gathers sauce.

Preheat oven to 200C

Bring a pan of salted water to the boil, and in batches cook your gnocchi until it rises to the top and floats. Mine took about a minute or so. Drain well and transfer to a flat dish.

Place 150g butter and sage into a large flat baking dish. You want a single layer so a big roasting tray or large lasagne dish works well. Bake butter for 5 mins or until sage starts to cook and go all fragrant and yummy.

Increase oven temp to 230C. Transfer poached gnocchi to your melted butter tray and bake for 5 minutes. Flip or turn each gnocchi with tongs, then drizzle 1/4 cup verjuice over the lot, before popping back into the oven for a further 5 minutes.

Meanwhile, heat remaining butter in a pan woth a splash of olive oil until the butter goes nut brown. Reduce heat and quickly cook your prawns until pink each side and just cooked through.

Season and deglaze pan with remaining verjuice. Place this lot into your buttery gnocchi goodness and give a toss.

Serve immediately.

gluten free gnocchi with prawns

I’ve been wanting to try gnocchi for ages, but kept putting it off, so I reckon it’s perfect top hook up with my homegirl, G, at Bunny Eats Design for this month’s Our Growing Edge.

our-growing-edge-banner

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,028 other followers

%d bloggers like this: