Baby nightmares and Spiced Pumpkin Soup

26 Jun

spicy pumpkin soupD Man was a late talker so when he cried out in the night I just had to guess it was a nightmare and rub his nappied butt till he drifted back off to  the Land of Nod.

You can tell by the cry if it’s just a ‘Mama, come give me some sugar’ moment, or a true night terror.

Whenever it was blatantly the latter I’d wonder what it is a toddler has nightmares about?

Not so much mystery with the Kikster. She’s a talker, my girl. I guess some apples fall pur-ty close to the ol’ gnarly motor mouth mama tree.

She has quite a few bad dreams, say, a couple of times a week and they range from calling out things like “go away!” or “stop it!”, and then rolling over, no intervention required, to full blown terror and needing loads of calming, stroking, and cooing.

She dreams of sibling violence which she describes through sobbing tears.

“D Man.(sob) Bit.(sob) My.(sob) Finger.(sob) Go away, D Man!”(sob, sob sob. Coo, coo, coo.)

“D Man. Pushed. My. Back. Kiki fall over.”

Big sobs. Huge.

You know those dreams where you dream your partner has slighted you in some way and you wake up cranky with them?
Sometimes I’m glad she’s trapped behind bars so she can’t commando roll across the hall in her pink flannelette camoflage pj’s,  slip soundlessly into his room and commit acts of revenge unbeknownst to me as I hunker down on the couch with a glass of wine as big as my head and a bowl of ice-cream as big as my arse.

You may think it sounds far fetched (the commando roll, not the size of the wine) but she’s a feisty one and a sleeping sibling is easy pickings.

It’s not all domestic aggression that takes up space in her nocturnal dreamscapes, however. She also gets prehistoric hysteria, or prehysteria.

We spend a lot of time talking, exploring, examining and discussing dinosaurs during waking hours in this house so it’s not a great leap to discover they penetrate her impressionable subconscious.

“Dinosaur. Ate. My. Teddy.”

“Dinosaur. Chasing. Monsters.”

Trying to explain the relationship between extinct dinosaurs and non-existant monsters to a sobbing two year old at  3A.M. is not really worth the effort so we’ve done a spot of bed hopping of late.

I used to be all “Oh no, never let the stinkers into your bed or you’ll never get rid of them” but you know, schnuggling up with a child that’s clinging to you for comfort, drifting off with their feather soft hair tickling your nostrils, waking up with sharp little toenails digging into your cheek, it’s is all part of the gig.

And I kinda like a stolen cuddle.

It’s comforting to wake with a sleepy warm kid because it’s winter and I never think of utilising my hot water bottle. They’ve gotta be good for something, right?

Another way to keep mega warm sans hot water bottles or sproglets is spicy soup.

Not in bed.

That’s weird, unless you’re that way inclined, in which case I recommend a water proof mattress protector because this vibrant soup will stain the crap out of your mattress.

spicy pumpkin soupSpicy Pumpkin Soup

What you will need : 

  • 1 butternut pumpkin, peeled, deseeded and chopped
  • 1 litre chicken or vegetable stock
  • 1 large onion, chopped
  • 3 cm ginger, peeled and chopped
  • 1 carrot, chopped
  • 2 stalks celery, chopped
  • 2 tablespoons curry powder.
  • Fresh coriander, for serving
  • natural yoghurt, for serving

What you will need to do : 

Whack it in a pot minus the coriander and yoghurt.

Simmer till it’s mushy.

Wazz it in the food processor.

Serve it. Sprinkle it with coriander and drizzle it with yoghurt.

You’re welcome.

 

 

 

spicy pumpkin soup

 

 

Cook Once, Feed All COVER_lr

Cook Once, Feed All is about making your life easier whilst preparing nutritious and quick food for your family. Hailed by Mouths of Mums as the ‘must have recipe book for all families’, this book is a collection of family friendly recipes, all accompanied by stories from my life.

To order your hardcopy of Cook Once, Feed All head to the Holsby Shop right now.

If you like what you’re reading why not like my Facebook page now or subscribe via email, to be sure to always keep up with the Holsbys.

 

Portrait 365 : 167 – 173

20 Jun

I’ve just realised that I’m 5.5 days away from being half-way through this project. I’m possibly jumping the gun by writing this spiel but I’m such a blurter….

I have mixed feelings about reaching this point.

Kind of relieved, because it’s been a bit of an epic journey but I’m also mega proud. I wasn’t sure if I’d stick with it, but I have, and if I’ve stuck it this far, right, so it’s just the same amount again (give or take.)

I’ve met some lovely people, suffered rejections and been inspired and moved, and I’m only half way.

And I’m getting better at it, which was the whole point of the whole shebangalang, right?

The more people I talk to the more I realise that everyone is amazing. Everyone makes dumb decisions, and everyone has epiphanies, and extraordinary ordinariness and ordinary extraordinariness exist hand and hand quite comfortably.

Anyway, for those of you that take the time to let me know you love this project, thank you.

I love it too.

It’s taught me as much about myself as it has about others.

Thanks for getting it.

 

 

Anastasia

Anastasia

“I am happy, but happy isn’t what I thought it would be.”
Ana and I met in mother’s group when our now 4 year olds were just weeks old. We decided we would never go back to mother’s group because listening to those chicks whinge sucked ass. Instead, we’d walk, talk, drink coffee, tea and wine, and we helped each other through that first year. Life, work, moving all got in the way and today we rectified that. I hope she knows exactly what I mean when I say that some people are just like a warm slipper.

Michael

Michael

“I think there’s hope. There’s always hope.”
Michael and I had just met at the latest Overhaul Wellness Day, and we were talking about life and love. I believe there’s hope. I also believe Michael is a wonderful optimist.

Fairy Sparkle

Fairy Sparkle

“A photo? But I haven’t even done my hair!”
“What’s something you’ve done that you’re proud of?”
“I received an OAM last week for Voluntary Service to children in hospital.”
I first met Fairy Sparkle a few years ago when I was writing a television series that I never got off the ground. I was so intrigued by her balance of eccentricity and business nouse.

Kirsty

Kirsty

“I’m loving my new necklace. I just got it today and it’s made from up cycled tee-shirts. My son bought it for me for my birthday.”
“Cool! How old is your son?”
“21 months”

 

Anika

Anika

My other heart. She melts me.

Martin

Martin

“I’d tell a young man to forget about the moment you are in now. Start to look to the future and the experience of older people around you. Get to know your family…That was lacking in my life. And write a diary.”

John

John

“I’d tell my 15 year old self to focus on health. I wish I’d done that sooner.”

 

If you like what you’re seeing, why not like my Facebook page now?

You can also subscribe via email, or follow me on Instagram and twitter at The Holsbys to be sure to always keep up with the Holsbys.

The happiness obsession.

18 Jun

australian blog festival
I confessed to a friend recently that in the middle of the night I get struck down by paranoia and stress. I actually think I’m way too paranoid to be a writer, but I can’t seem stop typing (read: talking).

I told them that I start to obsess about my future, and my faults, and what I’ve recently written or not written, and I imagine that everyone is aware of these failings and they’re probably all thinking about them too.

No one could possibly think good things about me. Certainly not at 4 in the a.m. anyway. Naturally, my logical brain knows that everyone else is asleep or thinking about their own shit, but gripped in the long dark fingers of night I can’t make sense of it.

I’m finding this especially at this moment in my life when everything seems amplified because of the great changes going on in my life with end of my marriage and all the grown up, night time stress worthy things that go hand in hand with that.

Generally, I wake up feeling gritty eyed and mildly zombified, without the bad teeth and shocking death breath, but I snap out of it, go about my day and my equilibrium finds me and my wobbly sea legs are left behind.

On this particular day, my friend listened carefully and talked me down from the ledge with logic and love.

Not everyone is so lucky.

For some, the dark fingers grip them into the day, and day after day they struggle to pry themselves free.

I was recently invited to an event at the Australian Writer’s Centre as a part of the Australian Blog Festival. I often feel awkward about attending blog events but when I heard they were discussing mental health I knew it was an important thing for me to attend.

charlotte dawson homewaresJai Evans, a dear friend of the late Charlotte Dawson was there, as was Peter Bliss, brother of the late Diana Bliss, and they both discussed the crippling affects of depression and watching their loved ones lose the battle for happiness.

Just before her death, Charlotte was about to launch a homewares line of gorgeous hand made, hand screen printed cushions and coasters that she has discovered in Bali: her home away from home. Her friend Jai has continued her legacy by launching that line and 80% of the proceeds go to Charlotte’s top 5 charities, Lifeline, Community Brave, ACON, Angels Goals and The Smile Foundation.

One of the things everyone says about Charlotte is how what you see is what you get. She was kind, fun, loyal and loving, but on a bad day, she let you know where she was at.

I only met Ms Dawson once. I was producing a music video that she played a small role in. I guess I met her on one of her off days, and she certainly let me know where she was at!

Listening to Jai discuss her struggles made me view my only meeting with Charlotte a little differently.

A little more kindly.

charlotte dawson

Diana Bliss was a dynamic writer and wife to the infamous Alan Bond. Her darkness overtook her life and for years her family watched her slip away into the shadows of life. Her brother Peter is a life coach and an advocate for mindfulness who now dedicates his life to helping others find balance. His talk was most inspiring.

One of the most profound things I took from his talk was that the happiness movement is delusional. You can’t be happy all the time and the pressure we place on ourselves to be so is causing issues.

Peter

Peter

The desire for happiness is creating discontent.

All in the room were touched by depression in some way, and one particular person whom I admire greatly had been touched profoundly, both suffering it long term herself and her brother had taken his own life after deciding he was tired of the battle. As her tears fell while she talked of this heart ache, she apologised to us for her grief, and my throat tightened and I was gone.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, but cry?

You need not cry alone.

We discussed the importance as bloggers to have conversations about mental well-being. If someone tries to tell you they’re struggling, don’t try to fix it, just listen. Just sit with them. Just love them.

If you’re worried about someone, let them know.

There’s much help out there, so don’t stop until you find the right people to help you.

Lifeline – 131114

BeyondBlue – 1300 224636

 

australian blog festival

 

If you like what you’re seeing, why not like my Facebook page now?

You can also subscribe via email, or follow me on Instagram and twitter at The Holsbys to be sure to always keep up with the Holsbys.

Portrait 365 : 160 – 166

13 Jun Bella
Yuri

Yuri

“Something that makes me smile every day is seeing beautiful girls like you!”

Kyren

Kyren

“He was drinking beer on the couch and he kind of flopped off onto one knee with one cheek still perched and he proposed to me. I was pretty happy with that approach.”

Rose

Rose

“I live in a boarding house with 23 other people. I don’t mind it though. That’s where I met my boyfriend.”

Rose had a handbag full of photographs, so we sat down and I met her whole family and saw photos of her in her wedding dress from 50 years ago. I was touched. She was very proud of her beautiful family.

Peter

Peter

“My father was a methodist minister who gave and gave and gave to people, then he died of a heart attack at 57. I’ve realised that giving and giving isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

I met Peter at a talk for the Australian Blog Festival. He was speaking about the impact his sister, Diana Bliss’, depression and subsequent suicide had on his life. He is a remarkable man, who is doing remarkable work. Check him out here.

Bella

Bella

“I’ve been working on a farm in Cairns and it has changed my life. I’m here from Korea on a working holiday and I’ve decided I’m going to move here and study nursing.”

Jackie

Jackie

“I fell in love with someone who told me that my dream career was stupid and to get a real job.Stupidly I listened to him and lived an unhappy life because I thought he was the love of my life. He manipulated and betrayed me, and I still thought he was the one.”

Jackie is an actress, and happens to also be one of my kids’ best friends.  And I love her to bits.

Chris

Chris

“I pulled out a map of the world and I thought ‘where can I go?’. I don’t want to be cold, it’s got to be ok for homos, and there’s got to be hot men. I want coconuts, lots of drinking and malaria. And the answer was Brazil.”

Let me tell you a story about this kid.We met 10 years ago in East Timor and instantly fell in platonic love. We stayed in touch for a bit but it was before Facebook (we laughed when we realised this) and we lost touch. He’s had many adventures and become a man, and I’ve become me. Three weeks ago, an hour away from my home in a place neither of us ever go we bumped into each other. When we went for a beer I remembered what a freakin’ special cat he is. Happy adventures, my friend. May Brazil give you everything you wish and more.

If you like what you’re seeing, why not like my Facebook page now?

You can also subscribe via email, or follow me on Instagram and twitter at The Holsbys to be sure to always keep up with the Holsbys.

Self Defence in the Suburbs

8 Jun These cats make self defence look like a music video. I don't think I looked like that either.
I didn't look like this.... I would never tuck a t-shirt into trackies. (source)

I didn’t look like this though…. I wouldn’t be caught dead on tracksuit pants in public. (source)

I lived many years of my life working or living around Sydney’s infamous Kings Cross. I saw loads of crazy shit, including a couple of dead bodies, and one time someone followed me for about 500 metres in the wee hours of dawn as I was leaving my work in a nightclub. I zigged and zagged through some back streets and I either lost them or they lost interest as they were more likely a pissed hopeful than a true predator.

Aside from that, I always felt fairly safe.

Since moving to the ‘burbs I’ve had two incidences of sexual assault, and just yesterday I experience the very unwanted advances of a dude who tried to kiss me and grabbed my butt in a fairly public place.

Someone I know.

A shop owner I see regularly.

I shrugged it off, as I did my sexual assaults assuming that I had misunderstood what was going on….. because I’m an idiot. (Note : I did go to the police over the more serious of the two sexual assault incidences.)

Anyway, quite fortuitously I met a dude who happens to be a fairly lethal weapon just by chance the other day, and when I asked if he’d give me some boxing pointers I did not expect the full gamut of self defence training that I received this week. I’ve been an avid boxer for the last few months. If I can’t make a class I’ll just take my gloves to the gym and beat the shit out of the bag. Not only does it give me an awesome sweat, and sculpted guns, but helps to ease the  cacophony in my brain.

Of which there is much.

Spending an hour and a half with him has made me realise that dudes that intimidate you are not out to cop of feel of you, they’re out to make you feel powerless because that’s how they get their kicks.

Your greatest defence is simply the word NO. Said loudly, with the ‘STOP!’ palm in front of you, and staring them straight in the eye.

I struggle with this word in these situations because I always believe the person misunderstanding the situation is me. That I’ve done something, and I also want everyone to be my friend.

Freud would have a field day no?

Anyhoo, I learned that on a train you never sit by the window (much less slump or slouch on it reading Facebook on your phone – ooops). Aisle is much safer. Particularly right hand side, facing forward aisle seat. Most people are right handed and this puts a potential attacker at a disadvantage.

I learned that doing that thing toddlers do when they do the jelly body and you can’t pick them up is perfect if someone is trying to grab you. When you tense you become all angles and easy to hold, when you do jelly body you’re slippery. Your primary concern in self defence, is not to fight, it’s to get away safely.

We did imaginary knife attacks from the front and behind, and hair grabbing. I learned 500 ways to get my attacker to open up their body so I can kick them, punch them or bite them in the knackers (I made the biting bit up. Maybe we’ll cover that next week).

These cats make self defence look like a music video. I don't think I looked like that either.

These cats make self defence look like a music video. I don’t think I looked like that either.

Imaginary scenarios of me sweeping my floor and a crazed ice addict bursts into my house, or someone trying to glass me in a pub saw me getting my focus on and whisking myself out of harm’s way with a flick of a hip and showing them I mean business with a swing of my broom.

I asked the question if I would remember any of it if push came to hair pulling attacker shoving me from behind and the answer was practice.

When you first learned to drive a car you thought about every gear change, every touch of the pedal, but over time it becomes second nature, so it appears that self defence is best when you do it more than once.

I’m actually going to train with this guy once a week for a while. I want to feel empowered, confident and actually have the ability to defend myself or my kids should we ever find ourselves in a Zombie apocalypse. Apparently, my broom handle would come in very handy then too.

 

 

 

 

Getting interrupted whilst sweeping makes Rick really pissed.

Getting interrupted whilst sweeping makes Rick really pissed.

Have you ever wished you had some self defence skills? Would you consider a class?

 

If you like what you’re seeing, why not like my Facebook page now?

You can also subscribe via email, or follow me on Instagram and twitter at The Holsbys to be sure to always keep up with the Holsbys.

 

Portrait 365 : 153 – 159

6 Jun Unknown
Nick

Nick

“Last year I had 7 strokes, and I was 40 kilos overweight. I was a slave to other people’s dreams. Now, the only yardstick I measure myself by is my internal one.”
I was pounding the boxing bag and Nick came up and commented on my ‘wild haymaker’. He proceeded to train me with great patience and killer technique. We decided to make it a regular thing.

Ingrid

Ingrid

“I’m a writer and a poet. I’m super proud of my poetry and prose recordings. I’m doing a cafe poet in residence in tasmania soon through the poets union and then I’ll finish my collection and hopefully have a book!”

 

Unknown

Unknown

 

Joss & Elizabeth

Joss & Elizabeth

“Vivid is cool. I like the fact that you can stand right in the art and nothing else matters.”

Michael

Michael

“What’s something cool about you that you’re really proud of?”
“Oh, geez, my coolest thing is the I work at Universal Music.”

Helen

Helen

“In 1996 I won the open section of calligraphy at the Royal Easter Show and my work was exhibited in the Show Case of Excellence, I’ve stopped now though. I used to make wedding cakes. I would have made at least 5000 in my time.”
It was all about Helen’s red coat and hat. It was such a grey day but she cheered the street up with her jolly ensemble.

D Man

D Man

I don’t expect this portrait to mean much to many of you, but to me it symbolises a great achievement by my first born. For four years he’s hated swimming. Screamed and cried and whimpered the whole time. We stopped and started lessons because it broke my heart. For the last two weeks in a row, no tears.
Here he is swimming on his own, voluntarily, and he has just been laughing.

If you like what you’re seeing, why not like my Facebook page now?

You can also subscribe via email, or follow me on Instagram and twitter at The Holsbys to be sure to always keep up with the Holsbys.

Apple Fritters and A Daunting Dance Card

3 Jun apple fritters

apple fritters recipeYou know that old expression be careful what you wish for?

I don’t reckon many people would wish for herpes so I figure as long as you’re wishing for something positive that doesn’t leave a burning sensation in your knicks, knock yourself out.

It helps to be specific so the Universe, or the angels, or God, or whomever you wish to doesn’t mess it up. You know, don’t just make a blanket wish for ‘more excitement’ cos that shit can be tres confusing to the powers that be, know what I’m sayin’?

I wished to be a freelance writer who could work from home and be with my kids and balance everything beautifully.

Luckily, farking luckily, for me, it would appear it’s kinda happening.

I admit I’ve put in some yards, and as we know hard work accentuates luck, but still…..L.U.C.K.Y M.O.F.O.

But first things first, let’s talk the about Kidspot Voices 2014 because that is one of the flukiest damned things that I ever did see.

You know how made it into the Kidspot Top 30 Parenting and Personal blogs?

No?

Well, I didn’t really mention it here, because I didn’t wish to be a douchey bragger, and although it’s lurvely to receive a kudos from the community, the competition is well fierce I didn’t really think I’d get far in the comp.

The gorgeous Amanda from the Cooker and a Looker and I at the Voices announcement party (may be a tad squiffy)

The gorgeous Amanda from the Cooker and a Looker and I at the Voices announcement party (may be a tad squiffy)

Which I didn’t……. the Top 5 was announced, I wasn’t in it.

Then, like a goldfish I promptly forgot about it until I received an email recently telling me that one of the original Top 5 had to pull out due to personal matters, and being as I only just missed out by the skin of my teeth, did I want to step up to Top 5 and get back in the game?

This is the part where I did a cartwheel and tore my middle-aged, slightly dimply, inner thigh.

Voices2014-nominee_P&P_TOP_5_Am I pissy that I wasn’t in the original picking?

Are you kidding? I eat cold vegemite toast off the floor, for god’s sake. I have little pride.

As if that wasn’t cool enough, same day I had a meeting with the fab editors over at Essential Kids and you are looking at (well, reading) the very latest Fairfax (douchey bragger) food writer.

You know I hate BOOM, but……

apple frittersI’m a lucky mofo, right?????

I bought myself a wall calendar and scrawled all over that puppy because I’m a shocker at remembering dates and deadlines and suddenly there seems to be many of them. HEAPS.

Little bit scary.

I do feel I’ve been neglecting you guys a tad though. I mean, you’re my first love.

It’s you guys and this space and all my hours of spilling my guts that have got me to this point… so let me make you a special little breakfast.

Just pretend we’ve had a sleep over you and I, drank too much celebratory champers, eaten ourselves silly and passed out without removing our make-up. Now I’m whipping this up in my dressing gown while you drink tea and stare at Giggle and Hoot, all the while wishing my kids would shut that infernal racket up.

There’s a banana in the picture below because this rocks with banana too. If you want to use gluten free flour it works, I’ve done that too, but this time I just went spelt.

You can also use plain flour. Your brekky, your choice.

I don’t have an apple corer and I’ve NEVER succeeded in removing the core until this day…. see what I mean?

L.U.C.K.Y M.O.F.O

If you’re not so lucky, just halve it, and a V wedge out where the core is and serve moons rather than rounds like I do every other day.

apple frittersYield : serves 4

What you will need :

  • 1/2 cup spelt flour
  • 1 egg
  • 1/2 cup milk
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla paste
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 2 large apples, cored and sliced into rounds
  • Coconut oil, or butter for frying
  • vanilla yoghurt, for serving
  • raspberry jam (or your preference), for serving

What you need to do :

Toss your flour and baking powder into a bowl and stir quickly to combine.

Make a well, dump in your egg, vanilla and milk and stir until smooth as a baby’s butt.

Get your frypan nice and hot with your coconut oil or butter, before dipping in your apple rounds, ensuring they’re nice and coated before you pop them ito the pan.

Flip when brown. Repeat until done. Smear with jam, blob with yoghurt and nosh it up with gusto.

BOOM!

apple fritters

Flukey perfect apple round – B.O.O.M.

 

Cook Once, Feed All COVER_lr

Cook Once, Feed All is about making your life easier whilst preparing nutritious and quick food for your family. Hailed by Mouths of Mums as the ‘must have recipe book for all families’, this book is a collection of family friendly recipes, all accompanied by stories from my life.

To order your hardcopy of Cook Once, Feed All head to the Holsby Shop right now.

If you like what you’re reading why not like my Facebook page now or subscribe via email, to be sure to always keep up with the Holsbys.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Portrait 365 : 147 – 152

30 May Vito
Sarah & Paul

Sarah & Paul

“I wrote a book called Catechisms – Insights From Cats to raise money for a meditation retreat called Clear Sky. I could write the book and get the content together but printing the book was really hard.”
You can check Paul’s Catechisms Facebook page here.

Adriana

Adriana

“I cut my hair totally forgetting that I have my cousins’s wedding coming up and I’m a bridesmaid. I thought she’d freak when she saw it but she loved it and made me promise not to grow it out.”
Chatting to this young lady, I realised that she has no idea how ridiculously gorgeous she is. I like that.

Renae

Renae

“I have kids so I’d say their births were my happiest moments. When my first daughter was born I’d had no drugs and it was incredible. I couldn’t sleep all night because I kept having to look at her lying next to me.”

 

Matt

Matt

“I was 16 years old when I ran across the border with 5 other boys from Hungary to Yugoslavia. It was during the revolution and the Russians were shooting at us as we ran. It was the middle of the night and we had nothing but the clothes we wore. Search lights flashed across the snow and we had to hide. We didn’t know exactly where the border was so we kept going until a soldier stopped us. We didn’t know if he was Russian and would kill us, but he was friendly. We moved around in refugee camps and after many months I was selected to come to Australia.”
I was entranced by Matt. We talked for about 40 minutes after meeting on the train. His entire life was as adventurous as this.

Andrea

Andrea

“My English is not good. I only speak a little.”
Didn’t care. Just quietly.

Vito

Vito

“We are street dancers, but we do not live on the street. We have a message for the kids. Kids, you can be anything you want to be but before that, get an education.We are not in gangs, we are not selling drugs, we are promoting hip hop – Healthy Independent People Helping Other People. Always remember there’s only one race in the world – the human race. Live together and be more civilised.”
I hugged the crap outta this kid.  He got me right in the heart.

 

If you like what you’re seeing, why not like my Facebook page now?

You can also subscribe via email, or follow me on Instagram and twitter at The Holsbys to be sure to always keep up with the Holsbys.

 

‘Mama, are you going to die?’…. lessons in death.

27 May lessons in death
the fam halloween

Could dress ups like these be responsible for his fascination with death??? My bad.

D Man is slightly obsessed with dying at the moment, and when I say slightly I’m playing it down.

Every time his little voice pipes up with another question my mind starts racing because I really don’t know if I’m handling it properly. I mean, I’m being honest about it. That’s what you do with kids, right?

Honesty.

I’m being frank and matter of fact, but whilst not sugar coating it exactly, I’m definitely not discussing childhood illnesses that may cause imminent death, so we’re working with honesty, to a point.

It’s curly questions like these that really make me realise my boy is no longer a baby. His little synapses are processing stuff and putting stuff together and asking some big questions…. ones I’m not totally prepped for. I think when it comes time for sex and wanking conversations, I’ll be all over it, but something about this death chat freaks me a bit. I’m not afraid of death myself, but D Man is getting upset by all of his questions.

I’m really not certain where his new curiosity has sprung from but a typical conversation goes something like this.

‘Mama, am I going to die?’

‘Yes, honey, everyone dies one day, but I hope you’re not going to die for a really long time.’

‘Are you going to die?’

‘I am, but I’m not planning on it until I’m older than Grandpapa.’

(Sorry Dad, somehow you became the benchmark for old age. His great grandparents are simply too old to fathom.)

Often around this mark of the conversation he will start to keen a little, or whimper.

‘I don’t want you to die.’

This is where it gets tricky……because I’m not trained for this conversation, and because I HAVE NO TACT. This part is the part where my mouth goes dry, and my mind races to find the right words to explain that death is a part of life. It’s inevitable, and although it’s sad to lose someone…..then breaking my revery he cries -

‘I don’t want Kiki to die!!!’

I try to gently explain the whole Circle of Life business but we’re not quite up to wrapping our heads around the idea ; we seem to be stuck on the death part.

The biggest thing kids have a hard time understanding, apparently, is the permanence of death. That you no longer eat, or sleep, or breathe. I feel like he gets that though, hence the fear he has of death.

It wouldn’t be so bad if he just asked once or twice, but we’re covering the same territory probably twice a day at the moment. I thought I would turn to my trusty parenting encyclopaedia The Internet, but the first site I came across suggested a good way to broach the subject is when a family pet dies.

Now, I admit wholeheartedly that Mister Pants can be an utter jerk but I don’t think killing him and holding a kitty funeral is the solution here… nor is buying a  stupid fish tank with stupid fish that I’ll be stuck cleaning once a week until I do actually kill the unfortunate creatures who inhabit it.

Surely, that’s more of a lesson in murder than mortality?

Most posts are about teaching a child to cope with grief after loss, or expressing my own sadness at losing a loved one. We haven’t actually lost a loved one, nor a pet, so it’s not like death has knocked on our door with it’s cold and brittle fingers. This inquisitiveness has come out of the blue.

It’s totally normal, I realise, and even covering the same ground many times over is fine, he’s just processing. Apparently I should be encouraging further discussion about it to make sure we’ve really got everything covered off in his brain but I’m just kinda sitting with it and letting him drive this one.

I figure as long as he doesn’t start asking me about my will, I won’t worry that he’s asking about my death.

 

If you like what you’re seeing, why not like my Facebook page now as I have a whole shebangalang going on there.

You can also subscribe via email, or follow me on Instagram and twitter at The Holsbys to be sure to always keep up with the Holsbys.

 

 

 

 

Portrait 365 : 142 – 146

24 May Man

Uasi

Uasi

“I got jumped by two guys at a pub once because they thought I was someone else. I got away with a broken nose. I didn’t take it any further because shit happens.”

Man

Man

We had a serious language barrier…. but not a communication problem because this man was very keen to be photographed. Isn’t he gorgeous?

Daisy

Daisy

“I’m on my way to the Italian Embassy to get a visa. I’m heading over there to au pair for three months, then I’ll travel for three months. I’ve not been to Europe before.” I saw Daisy walking long the train platform from a mile away. She walked with confidence, but with a fragility. I found her incredibly arresting.

Anya

Anya

“You can eat cake. You can have sugar in it but home made is the way to go. There’s always a healthier ways to do things.”
Anya runs an organic baking business that she sells at the Ramsgate Organic Market every second Saturday. Her goodies are to die for. I saw her sitting in the sun and couldn’t resist the shot.

Poppy

Poppy

“My baby is due any day. It’s my third and I think that makes me more anxious about the labour because I know what to expect… but I’m ready.”
I stalked this beautiful lady with my eyes for a while and then when I finally did approach her I asked her to hike her top up. Fast mover.

If you like what you’re seeing, why not like my Facebook page now?

You can also subscribe via email, or follow me on Instagram and twitter at The Holsbys to be sure to always keep up with the Holsbys.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,515 other followers

%d bloggers like this: