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A wedding cake birthday cake…. Pistachio and Rosewater Cake with White Choc Ganache

12 May pistachio and rosewater cake with white chocolate ganache

ingredients for pistachio and rosewater cakeA few years ago I discovered a cupcake that captured every one of my senses and made my cake jackpot lights and bells go nuts.

I’m not a generally store-bought cupcake kinda gal but when I walked past a sign saying pistachio and rosewater cupcake, I knew one of those puppies had my name all over it.

When it came time to organise my wedding cake I knew this baby was it. The problem was I was getting married 2500 kms away from this shop. I explained my plight, thinking maybe they’d take pity on me and allow their recipe to wing its way to my cake maker in Port Douglas, QLD… alas, they merely shook their heads and said forget about it.

 

Bastards.

They also said that this cake would never withstand being larger than a cupcake as the mixture would cave in.

Dastardly bastards. They may as well have challenged me to a sword fight at dusk.

I went to my guru of cake. I described this cake to her with words like delicate, exotic and exquisite. She had never heard of such flavours in a cake.

There was only one thing for it. Express Post.

pistachio and rosewater cake with white chocolate ganache

From the second she received the slightly sweaty, partly mooshed, icing smeared flying cupcake, she was onboard the adventure. She was dissecting it on her tongue, trying to recreate the texture and flavour. She did all that and more. She not only matched the delicate flavours, but she made it better… and then smothered it in white chocolate ganache.

Boom.

I didn’t throw a kids party for Kiki’s first birthday. I threw a late lunch feast for a few dear ones who love her to pieces. I thought this was the perfect opportunity to recreate our wedding cake. Maybe it’s a little bit weird, but I’ve actually been dying for an excuse to make it.

The beauty of it is it’s possibly the easiest cake ever. You make it in a food processor. No creaming, no sifting, no nuffing. You chuck everything in, and whizz.

Sha-wing!!

Note : This is to make one 8 inch round cake…. oh, and this batter is so freakin’ yummy, it’s addictive.

pistachio and rosewater cake with white chocolate ganache

What you will need :

For the cake - 

  • 150g shelled pistachios
  • 150g self-raising flour
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom
  • 200g castor sugar
  • 200g softened butter
  • 3 medium eggs
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 2 tablespoons milk
  • 2 tablespoons rosewater

For the ganache - 

  • 120g white chocolate, plus a few pieces for garnish
  • 60 ml cream
  • a small handful of pistachios, chopped, for garnish

Preheat oven to 160C. Grease and line a baking tin.

Very finely grind your nuts in a food processor.
Chuck in your flour, cardamom and sugar and blend to combine. Add the rest of the ingredients and blend until smooth.

Tip into your tin and bake for 55 minutes, or until a skewer comes out clean. Leave to cool in the tin for an hour before turning out (although apparently it’s also divine warm with cream)

Chuck your chocolate and cream into a saucepan and melt together. Leave to cool for a good few minutes before you spoon on. Spoon into the middle and gently push it towards the edge until it runs down the side.

I then melted my remaining few pieces of chocolate and smeared in onto baking paper before rolling it and setting it in the fridge. When you unfurl it you have curls and cool pieces for garnish. Chuck it on with some pistachios and you have yourself a cake that’s fit for a wedding… or a first birthday.

rosewater pistachio birthday cake

 

 

 

 

our-growing-edge-bannerHooking up with Our Growing Edge. This month’s host is Sonya, at And More Food.
Go see who’s tending their growing edge this month!

Mad Cow and Gluten-Free Chocolate Biscuits

23 Apr gluten free, guilt free chocolate biscuit

I wasn’t planning on blogging these tasty little morsels but, after I bragged about them on Facebook on Saturday, I was asked for the recipe.

I was stuck in the house on a torrentially wet day. It was the kind of day you wonder if you should crack out the Paddle Pop sticks and start building an Ark, but my glue gun is AWOL and GluStick was never gonna cut that shit.

D Man had had a bad night with a fever and I thought an early morning dose of Panadol was a wise move.

Au contraire, mon petite chou fleurs.

His morning milk curdled and my Big Gay Salmon (official colour title) couch was the recipient of a candy-pink Linda Blair special. Of course, I felt for him, but I also felt for the BGS couch, oh, and my hair. Once it’s in your hair you’re smelling da vom-vom all damn day.

sick d manHe dozed on and off for hours, with his fever ebbing and flowing. He’d pop his head up for a few minutes, like a little blonde meer cat, then rest it back down as if it was too heavy for his neck.

It really breaks your heart when they’re poorly.

My head goes to all kinds of weird places thinking it’s some horrible exotic disease, rather than some 24 hr bug. Maybe the fever will give him brain damage or spark epilepsy, or, or, or any one of many other horrible fates…I’m a rather dramatic type.

As sad as it was to see my external heart ailing on the sofa, it was nice to have a few moments of peace.

Straight to hell, me.

I needed distraction. There was only one thing for it.

Biscuits.

Not for him. He was sick.

For me.

After a couple of abysmal false starts, I’m really enjoying experimenting with coconut flour.
It definitely has a slightly cakey consistency but I can work with that.

Coconut flour is very high fibre so needs more liquid, and you use much less of it than you would wheat four…..which is lucky because it ain’t the most economical of flours. It does last quite well, however, as you actually use about a quarter as much as normal flour. That said, you don’t cook with it like normal flour at all.

It will never make an awesome crusty sourdough (I discovered it kind of ferments in the process and goes somewhat boozy smelling and bubbly – could be my get  rich quick scheme? Boozy bread), but it can make for some interesting and healthy baked goods.

I’m learning that the fats in coconut oil and coconut flour can actually aid in weight loss. The medium chain triglycerides are digested differently than other fats. I won’t bang on about it, but if you’re interested, read about it. I’m not actually trying to lose weight, but many people would contest that coconuts are full of fat.

It’s good fat, that’s all.

These chocolate biscuits cheered me up no end. All thoughts of childhood disease were banished.  In fact, the reason there’s only one in the picture is because it’s the last one left… I needed to be sure I banished them bad thoughts good.

gluten free, guilt free chocolate biscuit

What you will need :

  • 1/4 cup butter or coconut oil
  • 1/3 cocoa powder
  • 3 eggs
  • 3 tablespoons sugar, plus 15 drops of stevia (if you’re not watching your sugar, use 1/3 cup sugar)
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon vanilla
  • 1/4 cup coconut flour, whisk it separately in a bowl to remove lumps first.
  • a few cheeky dark chocolate chips if you’re so inclined

What you need to do:

Preheat oven to 175C

In a saucepan melt butter over low heat. Add cocoa powder and stir to combine. Remove and leave to cool.

In a bowl, combine eggs, sugar, salt, and vanilla, and stir in your cocoa mixture. Whisk your coconut flour in ensuring there are no lumps.

Leave to rest for 5 minutes, it will thicken and puff slightly as the flour absorbs the liquid.

Add choc chips now if you’re going to.

Drop teaspoon sized dollops onto baking paper on a tray and whack in the oven for 14-15 minutes. Makes about 16-18 cookies.

Store in the fridge.

Easy, ready in 20, and yummy! The recipe was courtesy of the Bruce Fife, N.D. Cooking With Coconut Flour Book.

It turns out that we do have something a little bit exotic, if you like a little farmyard with your childhood illness.

Hand, foot and mouth disease.

Just the words make me think of Mad Cows going crazy and eating each other.
Apparently, it’s super common in kids, and highly contagious.

After my blues last week, I’d filled my week this week with great, fun, nurturing outings for us, but now we are sentenced to a week of quarantine.

That should lift my spirits.

Better make some more biscuits….. think this calls for some real ones, no?

Are you a comfort eater?

Eat to live or live to eat?

 

Hooking up with the fabbo Jess, for Ibot. Head to EssentiallyJess for some more blog love.

A Prehistoric Birthday and a Dinosaur Cake

16 Apr lighting candles on the dinosaur cake

I found out recently that children with above average intelligence are referred to as Gifted and Talented, or G&T.

I imagine you’d want to be pretty careful going around calling your kid G&T, though, as people may lick them inappropriately.

Awkward.

I’m not entirely sure what the criteria is to be classified as Gifted and Talented.
I think my kids are awesome but I don’t know if they are displaying evidence of superior intelligence.

Talent? Hells yeah. D Man recently busted out some Hammer Time and I damn near called Johnny Young…. except his reinvention flopped like Donald Trump’s coiff in the rain.

Gifted? A picture speaks a thousand words.

That's what gifted looks like, no?

That’s what gifted looks like, no?

I heard recently that children that show a deep interest in dinosaurs may possibly have superior intelligence. If that truly be the case, then my boy is a genius.

We’ve been all about primordial beings for ages.

Eons.

Not technically eons, as he’s only just turned three, but the train obsession turned into a dinosaur obsession about a year ago and it’s stuck like poo in a bear’s fur.

A day is not done until I have pierced my instep with a triceratops, or discovered a velocoraptor in my butt crack. Twelve months ago I didn’t know my sauropods from my theropods but I’ve had a crash course and I’m hoping someone may soon label me as gifted. Or at least a dino-nerd.

Or maybe they’ll stick with special.

When D Man’s third birthday loomed, it was obvious that it must be a Dinosaur Affair.

dinosaur costume

One of his favorite things in the whole wide word is a trip to see the dinosaurs at the museum, and we went on Monday to kick off his birthday week.

visiting dinosaurs at the museum

Po’face, anyone??? He’s having a great time, I swear.

We also had an archeological dig to mark the occasion. We chipped and hacked at the plaster block to reveal the Tyrannosaurus Rex bones.

archeological dig digging for dinos

You know I love a little cake challenge. You may remember my Hoot Cake from last year, so this year I knew it was all about dinosaur cake. I had never seen one, and the Women’s Weekly Birthday Cake bible didn’t have one so I was flying blind.

I was never going to try to get a gluten-free, sugar-free cake past the toddlers, so I decided I would make a big-ass lamington cake. I thought it would have less sugar because it doesn’t have icing. Does it?

Probably not.

I used 70% dark chocolate and thinned it with milk to make a ganache sort of chocolate coating rather than icing. Many lamington recipes use heaps of sugar in the chocolate icing, so I reckon we came out just on top.

But, you know, it’s a birthday cake after all.

The sponge turned out more dense than I expected, I would say it’s more like a butter cake, but it was yummy and there was only one little piece of dino left, so I reckon he was a RAWRRRRRRing success (except that momentary intake of breath when Mister H suggested it looked like an angry kangaroo.)

I based my cake recipe on this one from Eat, Little Bird, and I doubled it, but she used a KitchenAid, which I don’t have (are you reading this KitchenAid???), so I used ye olde worldy electric beater.

Such a peasant. dinosaur birthday cake

I made the method up, and winged the rest.

This is to make a birthday cake for 25 people.

What you will need :

For the cake -

  • 370g plain flour, sifted (I really did it this time)
  • 370g butter, room temperature
  • 6 eggs, room temperature (which should also weigh about 370g in shell, funnily enough)
  • 460g caster sugar (I know, I know!!)
  • 80g cornflour
  • 4 teaspoons baking powder
  • 4 teaspoons vanilla paste, or extract
  • 250ml milk

For the icing :

  • 150g 70% chocolate, broken into pieces
  • 150ml milk
  • 1 1/4 cups of dessicated coconut
  • green and red food colouring
  • a squeeze of cream cheese icing with cocoa for claws, I had some left over from cupcakes or you could cut liquorice.
  • a marshmallow for an eye
  • Tic Tacs for teeth

Preheat oven to 175C fan forced, or 180C if it’s not.

Line a deep flat cake tin or baking tray with baking paper. Mine is 3 x 9 x 2 inches.

Cream together your butter and sugar until creamy and pale. At least 5 minutes of good beating.

Add your eggs one at a time and continue beating on high for a further 5-7 minutes.  Add vanilla, and milk.

Turn beater onto medium and combine your flours and baking powder in a few batches. Try not to beat too much at this stage, but ensure it’s all combined.

Pop into your tray and stick in the oven for about 45-50 minutes, or until a skewer comes out clean. If the top browns too quickly you will need to cover it with foil.

Turn out to cool on a rack, bottom up, and then freeze overnight if you have the time. It will make the cutting part a lot easier. The flat bottom is now the top of your cake.

dinosaur cake ready to cut

Remove from freezer and divide in half through the middle. The best way to do this is run the knife around the entire edge, where you think the midpoint is, first. Then ensure that every cut around the knife is on your line.
Spread your raspberry jam on the bottom and sandwich together.

raspberry jam for lamington cakeUsing a small knife trace your shape on the top before making any bold moves. You can see how I shaped mine. When you’re happy with it, cut away!

I put foil on my serving tray and then a layer of baking paper on top as the decorating was MESSY! I removed baking paper before serving.

Rearrange shapes to suit and secure the tail with cut skewers. I did the spikes separately, as an afterthought because I had left over bits.

Screen Shot 2013-04-15 at 9.43.59 PM

Create a bain marie in a bowl over a saucepan and add your chocolate and milk and stir until melted. Leave to cool slightly. Meanwhile, put one cup of coconut into a bowl, add a few drops of green colouring and mix through with wet hands that you’ve shaken the excess water off. Do the same with the final quarter cup of coconut and the red colouring.

Take your chocolate sauce and gently spoon in on the top and push it over the edges. You will need to get your hands in there and smooth the chocolate sauce on every single little nook and cranny. It will drip on the baking paper. Spoon chocolate over your triangles and gently press the red coconut on all but the side you will stick to the cake.

chocolate on dinosaur lamington cake

Once satisfied you need to sprinkle your coconut over the entire cake. It’s tricky to get on the edges, so I pressed it and threw it!
I had left over chocolate icing from the cupcakes in the week to make the claws, but if I didn’t I would use a liquorice strap. Super easy.

Dab some Tic Tacs in your chocolate and stick them on, then cut your eye to your taste.

head close up for dinosaur cake

We had a little party, with a couple of friends. I organised all sorts of fun games, but didn’t play a single one because I was eating sausages and drinking wine.

I am officially shit at kid’s parties.

But I make up for it in cake.

Happy birthday, my darling little stinker. I love you more than life itself.

lighting candles on the dinosaur cake
birthday boy blowing the candle

Hooking up with Jess for some hot tuesday group action. Thanks for having us, as always, Miss J!

A treat amongst the boredom….Gluten-free Orange Cake with Sugar-free Chocolate Ganache

9 Apr

Gluten free orange cake with sugar free ganacheMy name is Danielle and I’m a food addict.

I rarely eat fast food, except sushi. I love good food, and I love healthy food, but it doesn’t make me less of an addict.

I’ve ascertained something in the last few weeks and that is that I’m addicted to sugar and wheat. There’s a very good reason why wheat and sugar are so addictive.

It’s because they’re yummy.

It’s because majority of the yummiest things contain one or both of them, so even when we think we’re not specifically eating sugar or wheat, you’ll probably find you are.

This makes cutting down, or giving up incredibly hard.

And boring.

So, so boring.

After two weeks of no sugar and no wheat I have drawn some conclusions.

  1. Coconut flour biscuits sweetened with banana puree should never be referred to as biscuits. I couldn’t give them to children who eat anything, and neither would adults eat them, even in the name of politeness.
  2. Stevia tastes like crap. A little in a coffee is passable, but in yoghurt, biscuits or anything edible it leaves a wacky tang on the back of your tongue that lingers like a fart in an elevator.

My girlfriend suggested I stop trying to substitute  and just get used to not having these treats in my life.

What kind of life is that?

Pass me a noose.

I’ve been like a mad scientist. I pretend I’m Heston Blumenthal on the trail of molecular gastronomy but my molecules are flour substitutes and my gastronomy is baking. Sure, there’s been some schtummers, but I have also made some delicious discoveries.

My sourdough recipe made with half gluten-free flour and half wholemeal spelt, rolled in sesame seeds before baking is a noble loaf. It could hold it’s doughy head high in Bourke Street Bakery and I bet the GF hipsters would be right into it.

Coconut flour is an awesome flavoured flour. Super low in carbs and high in protein and good fats. It’s exxy but you use only about a half as much of it. It is notoriously tricky to work with as it’s sucks moisture like a sponge. That said, I made a spicy salt and pepper crust out of it for fish, and coconut flour banana muffins?
Helllllo…..delish.
Slightly odd texture but I had my fussy 5 year old neighbour here and she scoffed two of those little puppies straight from the oven.

She usually makes Kerry Vincent, Ice Queen of Cakes, look like a pussy. She’s turned her nose up at more of my creations than she’s actually eaten. Not a word of a lie.

My piece de resistance, however, was not a new recipe. I’ve made this cake a million times, never once thinking how good it was for me. Now I know it’s practically a health food.
I would usually put a Grand Marnier cream cheese icing on it, but that would have needed too much stevia and we know how I feel about that, so I made a thick, lucious, chocolate ganache out of sugar free chocolate. Yep, diabetic chocolate.

Diabetic chocolate is sweetened with a product called maltitol and while it’s not as bad as the cancer producing aspartame, it’s probably not actually better for you than sugar.
I was just experimenting with it to see if the integrity of the ganache would be maintained with this product… and boom. Just like the real deal.

Bear in mind it was for my Easter table so I did use a little sugar in the cake but much less than usual. I didn’t eat the bunnies on top. They’re full freight chocolate.
Forgive the lack of photos but I wasn’t planning on blogging it but after I put this image on Facebook, my wall went nuts for the recipe……

gluten free orange cake with sugar free ganache

And what my peeps want, my peeps get.

What you will need :

For orange cake -

  • 4 oranges
  • 6 eggs
  • 100g sugar  plus 1/2 teaspoon of stevia (if you’re not watching your sugar intake, you can just use 200g sugar)
  • 250g almond meal
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder

For ganache -

  • 100g sugar free chocolate, broken up
  • 100ml cream

Boil your whole oranges in water for about 1 hour. Drain and cool. When they’re cool, chop off their ends and cut in half to disgard any visible pips.

Puree the fruit in a blender until it is a thick liquid.

Preheat oven to 18oC.

Beat your eggs and your sugar (and sweetener) until creamy, then add your orange puree, almond meal and baking powder.

Place into a greased and lined tin. Make sure it’s a big enough tin because it’s quite a large cake.

Pop into your oven for about an hour or until a skewer comes out clean.

Cool in the tin. Then transfer to a plate for serving.

Pop your cream on a moderate stove in a heavy based saucepan. Add your chocolate and stir until it is all melted. Leave to cool for 5-10 minutes before pouring on your cake.

I start with it in the middle and gently push it out to the edges so it can dribble down in a most enticing fashion.

Iboting with EssentiallyJess cos she’s da bomb….

Food Philosophy and Gluten-Free Gnocchi with Prawns

3 Apr gnocchi finished

gnocchi ingredientsThere’s been a little dietary shake-up at the Holsby Bar and Grill.

My Facebook friends would have seen that after a tumultuous year of illness, I’m trying a stint of no wheat and no sugar because there is some evidence that perhaps these things are not great for the human body.

Such blasphemy.

Many people have exulted at the news and kindly send me websites and recipes with substitutes and sweet treats that are actually great for you… if you like that kind of thing.

I’m sceptical about whipping up an avocado and pretending it’s chocolate mousse, and biscuits made from chick peas and mashed banana tasting like TimTams, but I’ve agreed to give this thing a whirl.

I could use this time to cleanse my body from carbs and treats, but that’s really not my style. Instead, I’m getting creative. I’m discovering ways that I can still make my treats using different products.

potato in the ricer for gnocchi

My philosophy has always been that cooking your family’s food from scratch is the way forward. I still believe that baking your family’s biscuits and slices is a million times better than buying packets of stuff.
I’m now experimenting with different flours, and natural sweeteners that are better for you than sugar. Coconut flour, sweetened with fruit puree – still not a TimTam, but you know, it’s pretty good.

Use what YOU want to use. Use my recipes as a guide.

I’m not turning ethno-bongo-paleo-tastic, I’m just trying something different for a few weeks to see if it does make a difference to my wellness, because I’m sick of my illness.

Do we as a society consume too much wheat?

Yes.

Are we as a society addicted to sugar?

Yes

If you are interested in finding more out about what the effects of these things have on your body, google it. This is not that blog so I’m not going to bang on about it.

I think the biggest thing to remember is variety. Some wheat is ok, but if you’re eating half a loaf of bread for breakfast, sandwiches or noodles for lunch, muffins for snacks and pasta for dinner, then you’re consuming too much.
Not pointing any fingers, certainly not at any triathletes I may or may not know.

I promise to blog the Easter gluten-free orange cake with sugar-free ganache that was such a hit on Facebook. I don’t want anyone to worry about my calorific intake.

Speaking of calories, I finally made gnocchi.

rolling and cutting gnocchi

I saw a Maggie Beer recipe that I wanted to try so I used that but replaced the wheat flour with gluten-free rice and corn flours. It worked fine and was supremely yummy… probably had something to do with the large amounts of butter in the buerre noisette sauce.

Oink.

My mum was here to eat it and she agreed that my gnocchi was a much greater success than hers, then she reiterated that until I cooked a goose I could not touch her crown.

Gauntlet was officially thrown.
If you see me with a cross-bow at Centennial Park, give me a wave.

Yield – 4 adults

What you will need :

  • 750g waxy potatoes, scrubbed. I used Dutch Cream but you can use Nicola.
  • 2 free range eggs, lightly beaten
  • 2 1/2 teaspoons salt
  • 125g plain flour (gluten free if you want to be cool like me)
  • 170g cold unsalted butter, chopped into small pieces
  • 1/3 verjuice
  • 40 sage leaves (about one bunch)
  • extra virgin olive oil, for cooking
  • 16 raw king prawns or yabbies
  • sea salt and cracked pepper

gnocchi finishedWhat you need to do - 

Steam unpeeled potatoes until cooked through (about 30mins) but not palling afart. Pop aside until cool enough to handle, then slide their skins off. Press hot potatoes through the potato ricer over a bowl, then add eggs and salt.
Spread flour into a rectangular shape on the counter and spread your potato mix over it. Quickly mix it using a cutting motion with a pastry scraper or flat edged knife. When it comes together to form a dough, give it a little squeezey love with your hands but resist the urge to knead.

Divide into quarters and rolls into a sausage about 2.5cm wide. Cut off 1.5cm chunks and gently press with a fork to leave an indentation that gathers sauce.

Preheat oven to 200C

Bring a pan of salted water to the boil, and in batches cook your gnocchi until it rises to the top and floats. Mine took about a minute or so. Drain well and transfer to a flat dish.

Place 150g butter and sage into a large flat baking dish. You want a single layer so a big roasting tray or large lasagne dish works well. Bake butter for 5 mins or until sage starts to cook and go all fragrant and yummy.

Increase oven temp to 230C. Transfer poached gnocchi to your melted butter tray and bake for 5 minutes. Flip or turn each gnocchi with tongs, then drizzle 1/4 cup verjuice over the lot, before popping back into the oven for a further 5 minutes.

Meanwhile, heat remaining butter in a pan woth a splash of olive oil until the butter goes nut brown. Reduce heat and quickly cook your prawns until pink each side and just cooked through.

Season and deglaze pan with remaining verjuice. Place this lot into your buttery gnocchi goodness and give a toss.

Serve immediately.

gluten free gnocchi with prawns

I’ve been wanting to try gnocchi for ages, but kept putting it off, so I reckon it’s perfect top hook up with my homegirl, G, at Bunny Eats Design for this month’s Our Growing Edge.

our-growing-edge-banner

 

A Few Lessons in Patience, Grasshopper

26 Mar

fresh olivesPatience is one of those virtues that many people aren’t born with.

I wasn’t born with it. No, siree, Bob.

I’ve been known to lose my shit in all manner of places due to a distinct lack of willingness to endure. I used to be incensed by tardiness. A friend running late was enough to make me lose my cool, but now I almost expect people to be a little late, and people cancel last minute all the time when they have kids.

Thankfully, there are many opportunities in life that force allow you to train yourself to have a greater level of patience.

1. Parenting

If you don’t learn to overcome your impatience and quick temper, your head will implode and you are in danger of becoming an alcoholic. Children will make you late, make you tired and make your house messy. Watching a baby learn to feed themselves requires the utmost patience as you watch food going up their nose, all over the floor and in their hair.
You can almost guarantee they won’t do that at 15, so be patient.

2. The Post Office at Christmas

The post office brings out the S.L.O.W. in people. Everyone fumbles for their change, takes inordinate amounts of time to write things and chat to the cashiers about the weather. I hate the festive post office so much I always swear I’m going to send my cards in July… I never do, of course.
I tend to send none at all and say they got lost in the mail. Win.

Did I say I cut them? I used the term 'I' very loosely......

Did I say I cut them? I used the term ‘I’ very loosely……

3. The female toilet queue at a music festival 

There is nothing more disheartening than waiting until the last second to leave your favorite band to hit the Port-a-loo, and finding yourself at the end of a line of ladies jiggling from foot to foot. It’s amazing how you can hold it until just as you’re about to assume the ski-hover, 5 cms from the fetid toilet seat, and then you almost pee yourself as you undo your top button.

4. Listening to your Grandfather’s stories…..again.

I don’t know about your Grandfather, and after a recent little health hiccup, I’m pleased ol’ Fred is still around to be infuriating, but he tells the same stories over and over. I try not to cut him off or fill in the blanks but it’s not easy.
I was so thrilled recently when my child flat out refused I pull his finger.
He is smarter than I was at that age.

filling the olive jar with water

5. Growing Your Own Vegetables

From little things, big veges grow, but it doesn’t happen over night. Some things are sweeter and more delectable eaten as babies (think peas, beets and carrots, and lambs) but others need to time to ripen and mature into something that can grace your plate. Daily tending, with water and kind words can be a chore at times, but with perseverance and patience you too can eat a caterpillar nibbled, oddly genital shaped, organic vegetable.

6. Rendering video

Anyone in the business of movie making will know what I mean. Watching that little blue bar slowly creeping across the screen is maddening if you’re in a rush. A deep breath and a cup of tea may not speed it up, but it will relax you. Or have a whiskey. Or a wank.

7. Waiting for your husband to do the thing he said he’d do later

If I ask him again, it’ll be nagging. Only ask every 6 months so you cannot be accused.
After a year, pay someone else to do it.

8. The person in front at the checkout requiring a price check

This only ever happens when you’re in a rush or your kid is having a Force 10 meltdown. Annoyance is only momentarily alleviated if the product requiring said price check is of a personal nature, like KY or profillactucs  prophylactics frangers.

water and olives

9. City traffic

Suckballs. ‘Nuff said.

10. Brining your own olives

I’ve never done it before, and it’s certainly not hard. After gently slicing them all, I popped them in water which we lovingly change every day for 4 weeks. After the four weeks is up, I’ll put them in brine which we change every couple of days. After about 6 weeks in total, they’ll be ready to marinate in some olive oil with lemon and chili and garlic, if we so desire. Not hard, but requires great patience, Grasshopper.

Stay tuned for Olive Brining, Part 2.

Hooking up with Our Growing Edge for the monthly link up. Come and flash your culinary adventures with us…..only 4 days until this month is closed, but next month there will be another opportunity to tend your growing edge.

Check out deets here.

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EssentiallyJess is my homegirl, so pop over and see what shaking at ibotville…..

Self Portrait Birthday Cake… cos I’m weird like that.

24 Mar

self portrait cake ingredients (1 of 1)I  can’t believe it’s been a year since I wrote my first post. I just reread my ‘about’ and realised I must update it, as it feels like it was written by someone else.

I guess in many ways it was. I’ve had a hell of a year, don’t you reckon?

After poodling around and seeing some truly awful cakes online, I promised you I would try my hand at cake decorating to celebrate Keeping Up With The Holsbys birthday…..nothing beautiful, I promised.

Something fugly.

Well, after I threw out to you, my peeps, I got a few responses worth mentioning.

A water birth was suggested.

As I had promised no suggestion was too weird, I don’t want to point any fingers, but I did think perhaps my cake decorating chops weren’t ready to wrap around this one.

A Tony Abbott cake was definitely  unappetising, although the ears alone would have provided cake for a small African nation. Sadly, he would have left a bit of a crappy taste, but hey, let’s not talk politics so early in our relationship.

Tony Abbott's ears

Not tasty…..

A lap top? Julia Gillard?

The suggestions were not many, but certainly very varied.

When Emily from Have a Laugh on Me suggested self portrait cake, I shot it down in flames.

That’s just silly, I thought…..

I fashioned myself upon this image.....

I fashioned myself upon this image…..

…..and then my megalomania kicked in and I remembered that silly is my middle name.

This cake is most certainly not fugly. In fact, it’s kind of awesome.
It is definitely on the weirder side of awesome though.

Carving me up like a Christmas ham and feeding me to loved ones, smacks of Silence of the Lambs or something equally macabre.
My body was gone and just my head was in a container in the fridge…….. wow.

I don’t think I need to go into too much detail on how to make a Mrs H cake, as I doubt many of you will give this particular cake a crack, however, I do have a few tips if you should hanker to make baked goods in your own likeness.

Ummm, yeah, nah

Ummm, yeah, nah.

Life-like was never gonna fly, for two reasons.

1. I couldn’t fit a life-size me in the fridge without cleaning out the various unrecognisable furry things that lurk in the back, and that was never going to happen.

2. I don’t quite have the requisite decorating chops.

So, with these in mind, I chose a photo that had some recognisable accessories that I could caricature.

To create this cake I used a portion and a half of my favorite cake recipe. I made a big rectangle to carve and a small bowl-shaped one to cut in half for my boobs.

After the cake had cooled, I popped it in the freezer overnight for ease of shaping.
Then I cut out the shape I wanted.

nice cans.

nice cans.

I used cream cheese butter icing. I made a big white batch and just coloured different portions as required using red, yellow and blue food colouring. For the fringe and glasses I actually added some powdered drinking chocolate to the icing. I was hoping to make and pipe ganache, but I was up against the clock.
For a few moments I felt like I was in a surreal episode of Masterchef where Zumbo had set The Fugly Cake Challenge.

It was a fun project. When my friend arrived to help me film the Holsby birthday video, her first response was -

You have way too much time on your hands.

Au contraire.

Do you want a piece of me?

Do you want a piece of me?

I’m linking this creation up with Our Growing Edge monthly foodie link up.
You still have a week to get your submissions in and I’m loving what we have so far!

I’m totally loving finding new foodies to follow and share fantasy meals with!

If you need to refresh on what Our Growing Edge is about check this out, or this from it’s fabbo creator, Bunny. Eats. Design.
What’s floating your food boat this month? Hurry up and share it with us all.

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Toddler Guerilla Tactics and a Sausage Roll

15 Mar Homemade sausage rolls

sausage roll ingredients Before I had children I had a very clear image of the type of parent I would be.

I would always maintain cool composure, because everyone knows children can smell fear. I would never, ever smack, nor allow junk food, and enforce a strict bedtime. My children would be clean, and my house would be tidy with just one little play area for toys.

Oh, and I would always remain fun. Naturally, I’d be the funnerest mum ever.

Fast forward almost 3 years and I can pretty much see y’all sniggering into your cup of tea.

Lego, Little People and dinosaurs are all over my floor, my kids’ faces are smeared with snot and breakfast and the piles of washing, both clean and dirty, are mammoth, and I’m sitting at my computer instead of getting onto it.

I’d like to say I’ve learned to pick my battles, but I probably haven’t. Sometimes I feel like I’m getting beaten by a little guerilla toddler.

Toddler terrorism is rife in my house, and I’m ashamed to say that I am not above bribery, and depending on the circumstance, I may even just succumb to the tyranny.

One fine example was at oh five hundred hours this morning, after I’d been up a gazillion times with a sick Kiki, and having a supremely snotty nose myself, I heard D Man saying he didn’t want to sleep anymore.

I wasn’t havin’ that.

rolling the sausage rolls

Usually, I can stealthily commando in, shove Ratty in his arms, cover him up, and be out of the room before he could say ‘I want milk’, but this morning he said -

I want the fluffy blankie.

Shit. I’d put it away. In Kiki’s room.

I said gently, No darling, it’s sleepy time now, we’ll get the fluffy blankie out of Kiki’s room in the morning. Stay in bed until it’s light outside. Night night.

I WANT THE FLUFFIE BLANKIE, shrieked my little dictator, (and I’m sure I heard a German accent – is that reference kosher? Probably not.)

A few things ran through my mind, and of course, I know I should have stood my ground, but all hell would have broken loose, everyone would have been crying and up for the day and I just wasn’t ready for that shit.

So, Mini Despot got his blankie.

And I got half and hour more sleep.

Was it worth it?

Yes.

Another one were having currently is over tomato sauce. Boy has discovered the joy of the tangy, sweet/sour condiment from the Heinz Gods, and I agree that some foods must have sauce. A pie, fish and chips, hell, even shepard’s pie, but not everything to cross the dinner table needs to be doused.

Broccoli, for instance, does not need sauce.

I put my foot down over this one, and I put it down good.

Perhaps it’s easier to stand my ground in the light of day……thankfully, these little sausage rolls a begging to be loved with sauce.

When it came to these, Boy had his way.

sausage rolls fresh from the ovenHealthy Mini Sausage Rolls

Yield : 25, depending on how big you make them

What you will need :

  • 350g pork
  • 1/2 onion, finely chopped
  • 1/2 zucchini, finely grated
  • 1/2 carrot, finely grated
  • 2 teaspoon fennel seeds
  • 1 teaspoon mustard seeds
  • 3 sheets ready rolled puff pastry
  • 1 egg yolk
  • sesame and poppy seeds
  • sauce to serve

What you need to do :

Preheat oven to 200C

Place your fennel and mustard seeds in a dry frypan over a medium heat and toast until lightly golden and fragrant. Pop into a mortar and pestle and give them a good bashing.

Lightly fry your onion until it is translucent.

Toss your pork, veges and onion and spices into a bowl and mix together thoroughly. Season well.

Cut your sheet of pastry into three equal slices and using a tablespoon to measure out your mixture, roll up your little sausage rolls until the mixture is finished.

Brush rolls with egg yolk and sprinkle with the seeds, before popping them into the oven until they are golden brown – about 20 mins.

Serve with sauce, of course.

Homemade sausage rolls

If you need inspiration for Toddler Friendly food, why not check out my ebooks?
For a measly $15 you can have two books worth of kid friendly food ideas that the whole family will love!

I’m flogging my blog with Grace today over at FYBF

A Pie in the Sky is Worth Two on the Plate…..Beef & Lentil Pie with Parmesan Pastry

8 Mar

Beef and lentil pie ingredientsI’ve had a really crazy week.

A week of cooking and shooting and I tasted the dream and as I was riding that wave it actually sucked me under and dumped me, complete with sand graze on the chin and pants full of shit grit.

Have you ever started something and it suddenly grew to be bigger than you imagined, so you kinda freaked out and wished you never started, except that you really want to finish so you just hide in a deep hole for a second? Or two?

Or ten.

As you know I’m currently turning my ebooks from cyber books to real booky books, that will smell like books and turn like books and that’s really exciting.

I’ve already done the hard work, right? So, it’s easy right?

I’ve followed my standard formula, which is surround myself with people who are professionals, so no one will actually realise I’m a busker.
It’s a brilliant scheme…..until one of the professionals notices that you have made a rookie error and ALL of the photos you’ve taken from the very beginning are perfect for a blogger, but not for someone who actually wants to publish their images.

Danielle….. You. Muppet.

What exactly does this mean?

Reshooting EVERYTHING.

Except one, measly, image that somehow made the cut.

So, first I tried to blame someone else, but my finger prints were all over it. So I tried to worm my way out of it, and then I squeezed out a few tears that seared my cheeks with frustration.

My ego was bruised. I decided it was all too hard. I’d spend my time in the kids’ sleep eating soft centred chocolates and watching Doctor Oz talk about which groceries are best bought in bulk instead of working on this crazy, pie in the sky dream that I have.

Good plan.

beef and lentil pie with parmesan pastryI gave myself an upper cut, told my ego to take a hike and suggested I stop being such a snivelling wimp and just get on with it. It’s the perfect opportunity to test all of the recipes again.

That seemed to do the trick, which is lucky because I never liked Doctor Oz anyway.

Also, our cover shoot got rained out. We shot something, and that something is perfectly lovely, but it’s not IT. It’s not the image I have in my head, so I must try once more to make it happen.

I have set a date to reshoot the cover and pleaded with the angels to please grant me a weather wish for just a few hours of one day. I can control many things but I can’t control this freaky assed weather we’re having. Begging for divine intervention is about all I have.

So, I guess you could say, I’ve had a little on my plate. It was all a tad overwhelming.

While I was cooking beef and lentil pies tonight, I received a message from one of the very first people to purchase my ebook.

She sent me 2 photos of my food that she and her husband had cooked, and told me she was working her way through my books and she loved them.
She said I inspired her to be a better mum, which is insane because I bet she never left her toddler to watch her baby, who subsequently fell off the bed.

As I put those little pies on the plate I cried and cried.

Mister H came into the kitchen and caught me and when I explained myself he was perplexed.

“But this is a lovely message to receive, right? What’s wrong?”

The tears were because just when I thought I was drowning, the Universe sent me a pair of Floaties. Divine intervention, indeed.

I have a dream, and even though it may be pie in the sky, it’s a damn good dream, and without dreams what do we have?

Do you have a pie in the sky dream? Will you share it with me?

Beef Lentil Ramekin Pies with Accidental Parmesan Pastry

You could use bought puff pastry for your top, like I was planning to, but when I went to grab it I was out…..oh, balls.
I was forced to whip up a quick pastry and I wondered what it would be like if I added parmesan…….OMFG, yum!

parmesan pastry

If you can be arsed, do it. If not, I will judge you not. I served it with smashed cauliflower, pumpkin and peas.

D Man ate this as is, and I gave Kiki a couple of spoons of pie mixture with the vege mash…..food for the whole family, my peeps. Cook once…..not thrice.

D Man eating pie

What you will need :

For the filling -

  • 300g beef mince (I used left over rare roast beef, minced)
  • 1 tin lentils, drained
  • 2 bacon rashers
  • 1 large leek, white only, chopped
  • 1 large carrot, finely chopped
  • 2 celery stalks, finely chopped
  • 1 handful of fresh green herbs (thyme, oregano)
  • 1 handful of fresh chopped parsley
  • zest of 1/2 lemon
  • 1 1/2 cups of beef stock
  • a slug of worcestershire sauce
  • a big splash of red wine
  • 1/4 cup of water
  • 2 tablespooons plain flour
  • salt and pepper

For the pastry - 

  • 1 1/2 cups plain flour
  • 100g chilled butter, chopped
  • 50g parmesan
  • a good pinch salt
  • 3-4 tablespoons iced water

Make the pastry first as it needs to rest in the fridge for between 1-4 hours depending on how impatient you are…..

In a food processor chuck your flour and salt, add your butter and parmesan and pulse until in resembles bread crumbs, add water one spoon at a time until it comes together in a ball.

Take from processor, form into a cool shape and wrap and fridge it.

cutting the pastry tops

In a heavy based frypan, add your bacon to a little olive oil, and when it’s getting nice and cooked add mince. When cooked throw in your leek, stirring until it’s all broken down and soft. Add your carrots and celery.

Chuck in your stock, worcester and herbage, then add your lemon zest and wine. Season to taste. When your carrots are soft, toss in your lentils and stir. Add more wine if it’s too dry.

beef and lentil pie with parmesan pastryMix your flour into your water and when it’s well combined toss it into your mix. When you sauce is slightly thickened, turn her off and leave until you’re ready to roll.

Spoon into ramekins or pie dish (you could use porcelain cups if you were being cute).

Preheat oven to 200C

Roll out your dough until it’s about 5mm thick. Cut circles using a bowl or something similarly sized to ramekins and pop your tops on.

Stick in heated over until the tops are golden brown.

Steam up some veges to mash on the side and you are good to go!

Im flogging my blog with the lovely Grace today, so check out my fellow floggers if you have a spare mo.

Big Daddy’s homecoming and Oat, Date and Ginger Biscuits

24 Feb date and ginger cookies finished

ginger and date biscuits ingredientsAt the very second I type this we are T-2hrs until picking Mister H up from the airport.
It’s been a long ten days without him.

D Man is allowed to stay up late tonight and just he and I are heading off to the arrivals gate to see Big Daddy walk through. I think both chaps will get a buzz out of that….and I’m not embarrassed to say I’m looking forward to a pash. I reckon a public pash at the arrivals gate is totally acceptable behaviour.

Mister H left on Valentine’s Day and I didn’t write a Valentine’s post. I read a few spectacularly schmaltzy ones and it made me wonder if I was unsentimental, or perhaps my relationship was lacking….

You are the air I breathe and my sun and moon, just don’t quite describe my feelings for my husband but I’ve done some thinking in the last ten days.

I was 30 when we met.

I had lived a very full life and I’ve always relied on myself. I’m very independent, strong and fiery and I can get by just fine on my own. The majority of the  day-to-day ‘kid stuff’ I do anyway because he’s out of the house early and home late, so it wasn’t a biggie.

I haven’t missed not having all of the training clothes to wash, nor have I missed all of the shoes in the lounge.

What I realised was, though, is that Mister H is like the tonic in my gin. Gin is pretty good on it’s own, a complete thing, if a tad harsh, but when you add tonic?

Wow, now that’s a real marriage.

Mister H is the cheese on my pizza, the sugar in my coffee and the bubbles in my bath.

He’s the date and ginger in my oat cookie.

I have missed the kisses goodnight, and my friend coming home and chatting about our day.

I have missed the sound of he and the kid’s laughing, and I’ve missed cuddles in the kitchen…..so I made a batch of these chewy, spicy date numbers to ease us through the final days of his absence!

date and ginger biscuits licking the beater

What you will need :

  • 85g softened butter
  • 50g castor sugar
  • 60g brown sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla essence
  • 1/2 cup wholemeal flour
  • 1/2 teaspoons bicarbonate of soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1 teaspoon ground ginger
  • A pinch of salt
  • 1 cup rolled oats
  • 80g chopped dates

What you will need to do :

Preheat oven to 190C

In a large bowl cream together the butter and the sugars until nice and pale. Then add the egg and vanilla and beat until light and fluffy.

Stir  together the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger and salt and gradually beat into the spread mixture bit by bit.

Finally, stir in the oats and dates.

Pop teaspoon sized balls onto baking paper and stick in the oven for 8-10 minutes until golden and delicious. Leave for a few minutes before transferring to a rack to cool completely.

Chewy, moist, sticky, spicy, sweet and yummy…..I ate 4 while they were still hot, and felt instantly better.

date and ginger cookies finished

Ironically, after I had already written this, Mister H gave me a present from his journey……

It goes perfectly with tonic.

Hendricks Gin

 

 

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