School of Porn

7 Jun

I read something terrifying the other day.

I’m not referring to the headline ‘Gay Porn Cannibal Eats Lover’ about the young gay Canadian porn star who was suspected of chopping up his lover (read full sensational story here), eating the juicy bits and then mailing severed parts to members of the Canadian Parliament in a rather sincere, if wacked, statement about Canadian politics. Nopes, I’m not talking about that.

I’m talking about something I read in Caitlin Moran’s (pronounced CAT-lin) book entitled ‘How To Be A Woman‘. Fabulous book, by the way, hailed by Grazia Magazine and my mother as something ‘EVERY woman should read’, and three chapters in – I’m inclined to agree.

Caitlin points out how when we were bursting with hormones in our early teens and busting to get our hand on as much sexy information as possible we were forced to fossick and forage for our one-handed reading material. My brother had a monster stack of Penthouse Magazines hidden under the bottom drawer of his cupboard. Don’t ask how I found them. My hormonal radar probably beeped whenever I walked past his bedroom door. Although I was certainly curious about the pictures in them, my time was actually spent reading the letters sent in by readers. Between this and the Clan of the Cave Bear series my sexual education was pretty, well, sexy and sensual.

Here’s the scary bit – These days with the accessibility of porn on the internet our children’s sexual education will come from the porn industry.

Now, I’m not anti-porn. I think if everyone is above the age of consent, and it’s enjoyed in moderation and not instead of a real sex life (unless of course, it’s all you can get) then porn is fine. We can certainly endeavour to police our kids’ viewing on the computer, but whether it’s at your house or someone else’s, they’re going to see it. With sites like youporn and redtube being accessed at the push of a button, they’re no doubt going to see any combination of people doing any combination of things to each other. BDSM, Threesomes, Foursomes, you name it. Everyone appears to love anal sex, double penetration and foreign objects the size of a small child and they’ll think this is what real sex is like.

Not only will our children think that sex is full of hair pulling, arse slapping and pulling funny faces (maybe that part is not entirely fictitious), they’ll also think it’s unnatural for women to have hair ‘down there’. So many of my friends have had laser hair removal to get rid of very single last pubic hair, and I’ve asked them ‘what will you tell your pubescent daughter when ¬†she grows pubes?’. All of them have said they didn’t think of that. I know that it’s convenient and cheaper to do something permanent, but how can you let your child know it’s normal and natural when you yourself are as a bald as a child?

What about all of the tender stuff that they don’t show in porn? That’s the really sexy stuff. The vulnerability that comes with getting naked and making funny shapes with someone else and the hilarity that can ensue. Sex is fun and funny and beautiful. Caitlin also drew to my attention that porn rarely has any female satisfaction. It’s all about the men. We sure as shit don’t want our boys growing up thinking that, so we really need to not keep our head in the sand and broach this topic head on with our teens.

It’s easy for me to say this now, when the most awkward conversation we have is when I can’t understand a word D Man is saying and he keeps repeating it over and over while I continue guessing what it may be, like some weird toddler game show. I guess our future is full of awkward conversations about sex and drugs and rock and roll, but the secret will be for me not to appear awkward about it. To be as open and honest as possible and to encourage open conversation when I really wish my spotty, hormonal, teenager was still my baby!

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7 Responses to “School of Porn”

  1. sarah June 7, 2012 at 12:51 pm #

    I have a vague memory of your brothers stash! :) Well I think I do otherwise it’s my own two brothers collections from back then. I know I use to look at someones….magazines that is.

  2. faydanamyjake July 31, 2012 at 3:16 am #

    I have not gone there with a boy offspring yet – other than the very basics ( he is 5) but with my daughter it came quite naturally, from me anyway. she on the other hand cringed the entire time saying I don’t want to know! omg thats dreadful! mother stop.. for the love of god stop! leaving me no option but to pass her a book or two and leave it at that for now.

    • Keeping Up With The Holsbys July 31, 2012 at 7:33 am #

      That’s funny. I remember ‘the chat’ and subsequent reading material, and also my year 5 teacher, My MacGinity, holding a very awkward series of lessons!! Still think one of my worst moments was, after reading about it in a magazine, I asked mum what oral sex was…..people do what??????

      Sent from my iPhone

  3. alisaleinart December 13, 2012 at 2:47 am #

    We had a similar stash of magazines at home, which was lucky because no one told me anything. It is so unfortunate because sexuality is a natural part of humanity, but we are conditioned to think it is something to be ashamed of – starting with toddlers. My kids ask me all sorts of personal questions about what I’m using in the bathroom to what is inside my breasts. And, of course, about their own sexuality in all of its innocence. It is facinating to see that, if you just answer and honestly (and without the apparent embarassment that you really feel), thats all they need.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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