Ramblings of a Suburban Urbanite

The Victoria’s Secret Diet

May 15, 2012

After months of a body shape that can only be described as “round”, now I’m at the stage where ‘getting back’ the pre-baby body is at the forefront of my mind. I’ve started on what I’m coining as the Victoria’s Secret Diet. We’ve all seen the evidence of how amazing it is. Miranda Kerr was back in a bikini in 3.5 days, and after baby number 3 Heidi Klum was on the runway in three weeks, and baby number 4 she had backstage in between outfit changes. Sure, they were pretty fit before but if they can do it, then surely a mere mortal like myself can spring back at 35 years old after baby number 2.

One blessing I do have, however, is the optical illusion that my upper body is affording the rest of me. My bosom has swelled- in two days- to a modest F cup (which, if you’re wondering stands for Freakin’ Enormous. I’m usually a generous C…..hoping I go down to standard Enormous soon as these puppies are a joke). The upside to this is that my waist instantly appears smaller and my head appears positively pin like.

The first step to the Victoria’s Secret Diet is obviously exercise and I’d like to share my regime with you, my readers.

SIT UPS -I’m doing about 100 of these a day….or night to be precise. Lying in bed next to KiKi, my newborn, and I sit up and look at her whenever she gurgles, sighs, grunts, cries or farts. Of course, she feeds about 500 times a night so I sit up from a lying position then too. These add up to many reps and I can feel my split stomach muscles positively knitting themselves back together into a six-pack.

SQUATS – Squats are a favourite of mine. Feeling your quads contract and support your body weight just knowing that your buttocks is tightening into something that can crack a walnut is very satisfying. I’m doing about 80 squats a day. My technique is as I sit down, I clench my face really tight, and lower myself really slowly onto the couch so as not to upset my stitches. I tend to sit a little side saddle but I just incorporate that into the work out and make sure that I alternate each time, ensuring my donut cushion is in the proper position to prevent a sporting injury.

BICEP CURLS – This is done with the aid of D Man. He’s finding the adjustment to having a baby sister is a little difficult and is feeling a little clingy. His sense of insecurity is requiring that I lift his 15 kilo frame into my arms at least 150 times a day, usually whilst walking or cooking, adding some fantastic incidental calorie burning also.

PLANKS – As I fish all of the Matchbox cars out of from under the couch I ensure to contract my core muscles as I flounder about face down blindly feeling around amongst the dust-bunnies and sultanas for said missing vehicles – Again aiding my six-pack.

Then there’s the diet component. I don’t believe in calorie counting, but I’m being very aware of what I’m putting into my mouth. Michelle Bridges recommends you eat like a queen in the morning, a princess at lunch and a pauper at dinner. She failed to mention snacking, which is also important to keep up energy between meals, especially when breast feeding.

Yesterday morning, before rising, I had a cup of tea and slice of Dutch ginger cake, but because I wasn’t actually up yet it doesn’t count towards the days intake. Lucky, because it’s quite buttery and Michelle probably wouldn’t approve. For second breakfast I had a croissant and bacon. Bacon is good protein, and protein is very important for my muscle recovery. Another great way to reduce calorie intake is to only consume half of what you usually would, so at lunch I ate half of D Man’s cheese and salad wrap and half of my Mama’s soup and toast, then I only ate half of my lunch also because I was feeling like I was going so well with my daily allowance.  Also, when breast feeding it’s important to keep up your calcium so I have a large bowl of Connoisseur ice-cream after dinner. Choc-Honey Nougat flavour is what going at the mo, but I would accept anything in order to stave off osteoporosis. So far I’ve lost 8 kilos in a week. As good as any of the Biggest Loser contestants although I do believe a large portion of that weight is currently hiccuping happily next to me as I type.

At this rate I’ll be back on the runway in no time at all.

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5 Comments

  • Reply Asmita May 16, 2012 at 2:06 am

    Bloody hilarous!! Right now im counting carrying my laptop and rolling my luggage across multiple airports as weights training as well. Bless our imaginaitve minds :)

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys May 16, 2012 at 6:38 am

      Dude, if you lift those puppies every now and then, of course it’s weight training!
      Hope you get some down time soon xxx

  • Reply Winter To Do List « Keeping Up With The Holsbys June 1, 2012 at 9:29 am

    [...] so bad for you, naturally, I’ll only eat half of the batch as according to the strict Victoria’s Secret Diet. 4. Home-Made Sunday Yum [...]

  • Reply kamellia73 July 1, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Funny! This wasn’t what I expected, and hooray for that!

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